Boners

Boner (Round One) for May 9th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN YOUR CAPTAIN IS CATCHING SOME Z’S IN BUSINESS CLASS

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain snoozing. A Pakistani airlines captain has landed in hot water after taking a long nap in business class while a trainee was at the controls. Capt. Amir Akhtar Hashmi, a senior pilot with Pakistan International Airlines, grabbed 2½ hours of shuteye shortly after taking off April 26 from Islamabad en route to London, dawn.com reported. Hashmi — who gets paid the equivalent of about $1,500 a month to train pilots — left the trainee, Mohammad Asad Ali, in control of the flight while First Officer Ali Hassan Yazdani sat in an observer’s seat, the site reported.

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Boner Candidate #2: WELL, NOW WE DON’T NEED A TRIAL

A man died Friday after allegedly stealing a knife from a Lowe’s Home Improvement store and impaling himself with it while fleeing from authorities. The Plant City Police Department responded to a shoplifting call around 6:40 p.m. Friday at the Lowe’s store at 2801 James L. Redman Parkway. Lowe’s employees said a man, who was identified Sunday as 53-year-old Jerry Ellis Word, of Lakeland, removed a knife from its packaging, concealed it and tried to leave the store without paying for it. He was confronted by Lowe’s loss prevention staff, but the man waved the knife in a threatening way before fleeing through the parking lot, according to police. Police say the man ran toward the Parks Springs apartment complex at 300 Park Springs Circle, where they believe he impaled himself with the knife in the “upper arm area.” The man continued to run before police found him collapsed behind a building at the apartment complex.

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Boner Candidate #3: HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO GET GIRLS?

A man who offered alcohol to any girl who came to his party was sentenced to jail last week, a month after police found at least two drunk juveniles, one of whom fell into a fire pit while intoxicated, according to charging documents. Liam Darryl Hutsell, 25, of Hinckley, Millard County, was convicted May 1 of two counts of furnishing alcohol to a minor, a class A misdemeanor. He was sentenced to 45 days in jail and placed on two years of probation. According to a search warrant affidavit unsealed Monday in 4th District Court, a woman came home on March 25 and found her juvenile daughter intoxicated. The girl was “extremely intoxicated and had a hard time speaking to (police),” according to charging documents. The officer learned the girl and her sister had been to a party in the Hinckley area.

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