Boner of the Day

Boner (Round One) for October 24th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: IT WAS THE PROTEIN SHAKE MADE ME DO IT

Forget the Twinkie defense — protein shakes “made” him do it! A London gym rat claimed in court he was zonked out on protein shakes when he stripped naked and touched a woman’s butt in a locker room, according to reports Monday. Sean Bigby, 35, got off with a slap on the wrist for rubbing himself against a swimmer while she washed her hands at the Clissold Leisure Centre, according to the UK Sun. He blamed the horndog move on the workout shake, along with testosterone supplements, which gave him a “fuzzy head” and made him feel “disoriented,” he said, according to the paper.

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Boner Candidate #2: LA, DEE, DA….I’M BUYING A GUN.

A suburban Pittsburgh school district says a teacher’s Facebook post about “buying a gun” caused parents to keep about 60 students home from school or pick them up early from an elementary school Friday. KDKA reports students at Moore Elementary in the Brentwood School District were also kept inside and borough police were notified. The post said, “I’m going shopping sat. Who wants to go. I’m buying a gun. Watch out world. Hahahaha.” The district isn’t identifying the staffer who posted the comment or saying what might happen to him or her.

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Boner Candidate #3: I PAY WITH HUGS AND KISSES!

A British soldier who unsuccessfully tried to murder his army officer wife — by sabotaging her parachute during a 4,000ft jump — was swapping messages with his mistress while his spouse was in surgery, prosecutors said Monday. “Will you be my cleaner? I only like nude house cleaners. I pay with hugs and kisses,” Sgt. Emile Cilliers told his lover, Stefanie Goller, as his wife was fighting to survive. “Haha, I like naked cooking ; ),” he added, according to prosecutors. The messages — sent through the WhatsApp service — were read to jurors on Monday, the BBC reports.

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