Boner of the Day

Boner (Round Two) for January 11th, 2018

Boner Candidate #1: JC PENNY OFFICES CAN BE DANGEROUS PLACES

While attempting to reholster a pistol in a bathroom stall of a downtown Salt Lake City business office, a man accidentally shot himself in the hand Wednesday afternoon. Police scanner chatter reported blood spattered around the stall, but the man sustained only minor injuries. Det. Robert Ungricht with the Salt Lake City Police Department said the man had a concealed weapon permit and was carrying the gun legally when he accidentally shot himself. The incident occurred on the 14th floor of the JCPenney corporate offices, 310 S. Main St. Ungricht said the man called police to report the incident while being taken to the hospital by his friend. Ungricht said police will respond to ensure everything occurred as reported, but he doesn’t foresee any charges coming as a result of the shooting.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE DUMBEST HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION EVER.

A homeowners’ association in Auburn, California has rescinded its imbecilic policy that allegedly forced owners to keep their overhead doors open from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. Monday through Friday, The Sacramento Bee reports. Thank goodness—perhaps there is hope for this world yet. According to Sacramento-based news channel KCRA 3, the Auburn Greens complex HOA in Placer County, California decided in the fall to enact a policy aimed at preventing people from living in garages. That policy, a work of true brilliance, required residents to keep their garage doors open during the day, or else face a $200 fine. Obviously, keeping garages—which are often filled with valuables—open for anyone to enter is a bad idea, so now it looks like the HOA has come to its senses. The Sacramento Bee stopped by the HOA’s office and found on a bulletin board the following message retracting the aforementioned policy: Dear resident, the new garage Door Policy has been put on hold by the Board of Directors effective immediately. You may keep your garage doors down until further notice. The Board of Directors will be working with the Membership (Homeowners) to hopefully come up with a more ‘reasonable’ policy.

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Boner Candidate #3: IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT THAT I HAVE THIS WINE

He wanted to get tanked. A Russian man stole an armored vehicle north of the Arctic circle and rammed it into a supermarket, where he stole a bottle of red wine, according to the BBC. The unidentified man swiped the Soviet-era MT-LB amphibious vehicle – known in the West as the M-1970 – from a Murmansk driving school and went on a rampage. He crashed into a car in the northwestern town of Apatity before smashing into the store and grabbing a bottle of red wine from Crimea, the Black Sea peninsula annexed from Ukraine by Russian strongman Vladimir Putin in 2014, The Sun of the UK reported. Russian TV channel Vesti said the suspect was “bored” so he took the vehicle from the driving school operated by DOSAAF, a volunteer group that cooperates with military forces in Russia.

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