Boners

Boner (Round Two) for July 19th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: WELL IF NOT MARTIANS, WHO DOES LIVE ON MARS?

Dana Rohrabacher (R-California) asks questions of planetary scientists on July 18, 2017, during a hearing of the U.S. House of Representatives’ Committee on Science, Space and Technology’s Space Subcommittee. In case you were wondering, there’s no evidence that Mars hosted an alien civilization thousands of years ago. Nonetheless, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, R-Calif., asked a panel of planetary scientists to speculate about this possibility today (July 18), during a hearing of the U.S. House of Representatives’ Committee on Science, Space and Technology’s Space Subcommittee. The inquiry followed testimony by panelist Ken Farley, the project scientist for NASA’s Mars 2020 rover mission, stating that the Red Planet had lakes and rivers, and perhaps even a huge northern ocean, until about 3.6 billion years ago. So it fell to Farley to answer the question of whether Mars was perhaps once home to intelligent aliens.

Boner Candidate #2: YOU’LL BE FINE.

A teen cheerleader died suddenly with blood clots in her chest — after doctors repeatedly dismissed her complaints of chest pains as just minor inflammation, according to a new report. Now the grieving family of 15-year-old student athlete Yunique Morris say staff at San Joaquin General Hospital in California are to blame for her death last Thursday, claiming the girl’s health declined over several weeks as doctors refused to investigate her ailment further. “Her health just started going downhill,” Morris’ grandmother Wanda Ely told a local Fox affiliate. “It got to the point where she couldn’t even go up or down a flight of stairs without getting out of breath.” Morris first visited the hospital two weeks ago, and was sent home with medication and instructions to stay in bed. A few days later, she returned to the doctors and asked for an X-ray, but the staff sent her away again, the family told Fox 40.

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Boner Candidate #3: IF YOU ARE THE KING…YOU WEAR THE CROWN

Male students at an elite New England boarding school tracked their sexual conquests on a cardboard crown — which they passed around and wore in yearbook photos, authorities said. The sleazy system at St. Paul’s School in Concord, New Hampshire was first revealed last week by the state Attorney General when he announced an investigation into allegations of sexual assault and misconduct at the revered institution. In a letter sent to parents Monday, Rector Micheal Hirschfeld outlined the students’ “disgusting behavior” and provided a timeline of exactly what went down. He said the “crown” incident first came to light in May — when he was told about it by several other students at the end of the school year. “As it has in the past, the Community Conduct Board engaged a trained investigator to conduct interviews to determine what happened,” Hirschfeld said, later recalling how he and other staff members eventually got a first-hand look at the crowns, themselves.

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