Boner Candidate #1: HIV LEADS TO SOCIALISM
Conspiracy nut and admitted “performance artist” Alex Jones, whom Trump has praised, is off the rails again. Or, he would be, if he were ever on them. This time he’s got himself in a tizzy over California‘s decision to lower the penalty for knowingly exposing someone to, or infecting them with, HIV. Gov. Jerry Brown signed the law on Friday, moving the offense from a felony down to a misdemeanor.Jones, citing a Rolling Stone article that has been debunked for relying on questionable data and reportedly misquoting one of its primary sources, claims the reason for the HIV epidemic is because of how popular it is to pass it to others. “The reason you have HIV is because it is a culture now in the gay community…to give other people HIV,” Jones says.
Boner Candidate #2: A BET IS A BET AND I AM BO WELCHER.
A drunken Florida man reportedly caught fire after the Dallas Cowboys lost to the Green Bay Packers on Sunday. The 27-year-old man, whose name has not yet been released to the public, was rushed to the hospital with third-degree burns after he tried to wear a Cowboys jersey he set ablaze as part of an alleged agreement, according to the Sebastian Daily. A witness told the outlet the jersey burning occurred as the result of a bet the man lost against his wife following the Cowboys’ defeat Sunday night. “He was set on fire after losing a bet on the Cowboys game,” the witness said. “Skin was hanging off his arm and back.”
Boner Candidate #3: ORDERING DOUBLE MEAT REALLY TICKED ME OFF.
A Pittsburgh man is facing charges after police say he made up a bomb threat to try to get out of paying his bill at Primanti Brothers. Barry Clapperton, 40, is charged with threats to use weapons of mass destruction, public drunkenness, false identification to police, terroristic threats and escape. Kenneth Gray, who was visiting from Jacksonville,witnessed the scene while at the Primanti Brothers on East Carson Street. He says he watched Clapperton try to run out on the bar tab twice before police arrived. “My friend Chris gets up and he chases him out the door and we go out that way, catch him and walk him back in,” Gray said. He said he and his friend even offered to pay the bill, but police had to get involved. A friend eventually paid for Clapperton. Police said they heard Clapperton call in a bomb threat to Nakama, a restaurant a few blocks down the street. “His tab is paid. They get ready to let him go and the bomb threat comes in and he takes off!,” Gray said.
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