Boners

Boner (Round Two) for October 13th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: IN WHAT WORLD WOULD THEY THINK THIS IS OKAY?

Two day care workers in Chandler have been arrested for allegedly recording a video of themselves making obscene gestures in the presence of a child. Chandler police say 25-year-old Gabriella Del Carmen Garcia turned herself in Wednesday while 24-year-old Fatina Sawyer was arrested by Mesa police. They say Garcia is seen in the video giving a sex toy to a child and Sawyer is accused of recording the incident. Police say the video was posted online Monday.

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Boner Candidate #2: SHE WERN’T GONNA NEED THAT RING ANYMORE

An Oklahoma man has been accused of stealing a ring off a dying woman’s finger and hawking it to a pawn shop, authorities said. Marvin James Johnson Jr., a family acquaintance, is accused of taking the ring off Carlus Gray’s finger while he was helping care for her in her final days of an aggressive battle with cancer, police said. Johnson faces charges for financial exploitation of an elderly/disabled adult and making a false declaration of ownership to a pawnbroker. The ring went missing this summer and Gray accused Johnson of taking it, KFOR reported. “I guess when I had my back turned when he was lifting her out of the bed, that’s the only opportunity to slide the ring off her finger,’” Gray’s daughter, Marquesha, said.

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Boner Candidate #3: ROSS IS A YOUNG MAN WITH PRIORITIES.

Ross C., a freshman (or “fresher”) at England’s Newcastle University, had a pretty big weekend. First, he got a job—working at Filthy’s, a bar and club in Newcastle. Second, he had a threesome. The problem is, the second part interfered a bit with the first. But Ross is a young man with priorities. He’s also honest. So when faced with a difficult decision—a rare sexual experience with two young women at the same time, or the first training shift of his new job—Ross decided on a policy of radical transparency and texted his boss. Here’s what the intrepid fresher texted his new boss, “Al.” Don’t worry, we’ll provide a translation: “Yo al, Ino its the first shift Tmro but I’ve back in halls with two birds from digi & wont make it in for training at 10. You look like a top shagger yorself mate so I hope you understand the situation. If not then thanks for the chance but a mans got to do what a mans got to do.” He signed off at 3:37 a.m. with “Ross. X”

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