Boners

Boner (Round Two) for October 6th, 2017

Boner Candidate #1: WE WANTED TO ESCAPE SO WE WENT TO THE ESCAPE ROOM.

Two Canadian women who escaped prison ran out of luck when they were cornered by police at a jail-cell simulation for thrill seekers. The women fled an Edmonton, Alberta, prison on Monday, but were arrested the next day at a so-called escape room. Police traced them to the facility, where people pay to solve puzzles that will unlock the doors of mock dungeons. Despite their practical experience, the fugitives were unable to pull off another escape. Kelsie Laine Marie Mast, 23, and Samantha Faye Toope, 20, jumped a fence at Edmonton Institution for Women on Monday. Police said they were in prison for weapons offences and are considered violent offenders. Police received a tip from the public on Tuesday evening that the women had been spotted in downtown Edmonton. But before they could arrest them, the women ducked into SideQuests Adventures escape room.

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Boner Candidate #2: I VIEW IT AS COMMUNITY OUTREACH.

A Chicago-area deli is facing backlash after one of its owners sent out a tweet in response to the Las Vegas mass shooting, calling it “community outreach.” Greg Morelli of Max’s Deli in Highland Park, Ill. said he felt “relief” when he heard about the shooting because it took place at a country music concert. “Soon as I heard it was country music, I felt relief. White people shooting white people isn’t terror … it’s community outreach. #LasVegas,” Morelli’s tweet read.

Boner Candidate #3: I MAY HAVE SOME AMPHETAMINES.

A 24-year-old woman was charged with drug possession after her father called the police to report that she had illegal narcotics. He also said there was some crystallized residue on a sink in the family business. Officers arrived and confirmed that the residue was methamphetamine. When they asked the daughter if she had any illegal drugs, she was silent for a long time but then said, “I may be in possession of some amphetamine.” The drugs were in a pink makeup bag, the report said.

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