Boners

Boners (Rounds One and Two) for February 28th, 2018

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: WELL, IT’S ALL RIGHT IF YOU LOVE HIM.

A married assistant principal in South Carolina confessed to the mom of a student whom she had sex with that she loves him, officials said.  Dawn Diimmler, who has been fired from Airport High School, admitted to having a relationship with a 19-year-old male and apologized to his mother last month in a voicemail, The State reported. Authorities said the 44-year-old administrator had sex with the teen twice at school and once at a hotel last year. School employees in South Carolina are forbidden from having sex with a student enrolled at the school regardless of their age, according to The State. Diimler was arrested Saturday on sexual battery charges for the alleged relationship with the student while employed in the Lexington County Two School District. She appeared Monday in Lexington County court where her bond was set at $30,000.

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Boner Candidate #2: WOW! MY KIN OWNED LOTS OF SLAVES!

A candidate for governor of South Carolina who once said she was “proud” of the Confederacy now claims she didn’t know her ancestors owned more than 60 slaves. During a campaign speech at Bob Jones University earlier this month, Republican candidate Catherine Templeton touted her Southern heritage and her family’s involvement in the Confederacy. During the speech, Templeton was vague about her slave-owning ancestors, telling the audience: “I think it’s important that my family didn’t fight because we had slaves. My family fought because the federal government was trying to tell us how to live. We didn’t need them to tell us how to live way back then and we don’t need them to tell us how to live today.” But census records obtained by the Greenville News show her ancestor Hiram Clark Brawley was a plantation owner in Chester County in 1860 with 66 slaves. That number was “pretty substantial,” Joseph McGill, a Charleston historian and founder of the Slave Dwelling Project, told the paper, adding that Brawley ranked in the top 35 slave owners at the time.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE CASE OF THE MISSING MEATBALLS

Police say a damning clue led to the arrest of a Pennsylvania man charged with stealing a pot of meatballs — red sauce smeared on his face and clothes. Authorities in Luzerne County have charged 48-year-old Leahman Glenn Robert Potter with burglary, criminal trespass and theft by unlawful taking for allegedly swiping a pot of meatballs from a man’s garage on Monday. Police say the victim reported his meatballs missing and told officers at around 2:30 p.m. Monday that he saw Potter standing in front of his house with red sauce on his face and clothes. The pot was found on the street. It’s unclear if Potter washed the sauce off before he was arrested a short time later. Potter’s attorney did not immediately respond to a voicemail seeking comment.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: I’LL SHOW YOU WHY I WAS TEACHER OF THE YEAR.

A high school teacher in North Carolina was allegedly part of a Snapchat group with students that traded pictures of their penises and exchanged hundreds of illicit text messages with phone numbers that investigators believe are connected to his former students. Michael Kelly, a one-time teacher of the year at Isaac Bear Early College High School in Wilmington, is expected to make a court appearance Tuesday in connection to his arrest earlier this month on charges of sexual exploitation of a minor and indecent liberties with a student, WECT reports. Kelly, who had already been arrested for sex crimes involving at least five students, is now facing 28 new charges with 10 additional reported victims after a meeting with a detective and an appearance before a magistrate, according to the station. Authorities were first alerted to Kelly, 48, after a parent found what they believed to be pornographic images of children on their child’s phone, according to a search warrant obtained by the station. The 15-year-old victim told FBI investigators on Feb. 2 that the sexually explicit image was sent to him by Kelly, a teacher for New Hanover County Schools since 1992.

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Boner Candidate #2: FEMINISTS ARE NASTY SNAKE-FILLED FLOOZIES

Roy Moore, the Republican who lost the Alabama Senate election after multiple women accused him of sexual misconduct when they were teenagers, is backing a Missouri GOP Senate candidate who calls feminists “nasty” and “snake-filled.” Moore, whose December defeat was a shocking upset, announced Monday his endorsement of Courtland Sykes, who is attempting to unseat Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-Mo.), a top target of Republicans in this year’s elections. He praised Sykes as “a man of impeccable character, courage, and Christian faith” and “a leader who will do what is right!” Sykes has fully aligned himself with President Donald Trump’s agenda, pledging to support the president’s “MAGA and America First programs in 2018.” Trump endorsed Moore’s candidacy, but hasn’t yet backed anyone in Missouri, where the GOP field includes front-runner Josh Hawley. Sykes says he opposes “career-obsessed banshees who forego home life and children and the happiness of family to become nail-biting manophobic hell-bent feminist she-devils.” A recent campaign questionnaire describing his “views on Women’s Rights” also says he wants his future daughters “to become traditional homemakers and family wives.”

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Boner Candidate #3: BABE! BABE! BOND ME OUT JAYLENE.

The story unfolds inside an interrogation room on the third floor of Omaha Police headquarters. The Douglas County Attorney provided the video of the two-hour incident in October 2017 involving Thomas Hartman. ” You’re Thomas Hartman and you filed a report yesterday?” the detective asked. Hartman,25, first filed a report with police saying he was the victim of a crime. He said his brother robbed him. But detectives did their homework. “You just need to come clean, because I have visuals of him from the time of this robbery. He’s on the other side of town,” the detective told Hartman. The detective asked Hartman to come clean several times, but Hartman insisted his brother stole his money. While charging Hartman with false reporting, his 17 year old girlfriend was in another room talking with detectives about sex trafficking. The video shows Hartman knocking and banging on the wall and yelling for his girlfriend. “Babe! Babe!” he yells. At one point, you hear a woman yell, “What?” Hartman yells, “I think they’re going to take me to jail. Go get that money and bond me out Jaylene.” According to a police report, the teenager told detectives she was doing sexual favors in exchange for money under Hartman’s direction.

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