Boner Candidate #1: THE OFFICER WAS BUSY….GETTING A SMOOTHIE
A police officer in Baltimore, Maryland, has been caught faking traffic stops to avoided service calls. Dequwan Houchins’ unusual work patterns were exposed in December when the police received a complaint that he had been making false traffic reports for months. Baltimore police detectives when on to conduct an undercover investigation on four of Houchins’ shifts, where they would tail him for hours. The investigation revealed that Houchins reported nine legitimate traffic stops, as well as eight fake traffic stops. During one of these shifts Houchins reported a traffic stop, but investigators said he sitting in his patrol car after he had bought a smoothie. He had also not filed any body-cam footage of the fake traffic event, despite it being required by the police department. Since Houchins claimed he was busy during various instances, other officers had “to pick up calls that would have been assigned to him.” Houchins said he was unaware of the indictment and rejected the allegation that he had been ordering a smoothie. “Getting smoothies. What the hell?” He went on to described how he’d wanted to become a police officer since he was 18, “But now I’m like: ‘What the hell is going on?” “This was just a lazy cop who didn’t want to do anything and wanted to collect a paycheck,” said the Baltimore police commissioner.
Boner Candidate #2: LIZARDS HIDDEN IN SOCKS AND PIT VIPERS AND CROCS IN A PILLOW CASE
2A:
A traveler at Tokyo’s Haneda Airport was arrested after customs officials discovered over 200 lizards inside of his luggage. Daniel Baltazar was arriving from South Korea when the reptiles were found. The lizards were contained within 22 pairs of socks. One of the lizards was already dead upon discovery. The illegal luggage included nine Mexican alligator lizards, an endangered species with strict international trade regulations. Baltazar told investigators that he purchased the lizards in Mexico for roughly $3.50 each, while these species can sell for around $630 in Japan. “If there’s a market for it, people will attempt to smuggle it,” said one security employee. “It happens more frequently than any of us would like.”
2B:
Georgina Chavez from Tijuana was arrested at the US-Mexico border on an outstanding warrant for wildlife trafficking. The next day, Border Protection officers investigated her vehicle and found a hidden compartment that contained 69 live animals stuffed into pillowcases. Upon her attempt to cross the border, Chavez told a CBP officer she had nothing to declare, but a quick records check revealed a warrant tied to a wildlife trafficking investigation. The CBP seized her car and had her arrested. Behind the rear seat, they found a concealed compartment containing pillowcases that had been tied shut and sealed with tape. One of the pillowcases was moving. The bags were removed and taken to the San Diego Zoo, where they then found them filled with 60 abronia lizards, four venomous pit vipers, three caimans, a baby crocodile and an indigo snake. Chavez had not told officers about the animals, leaving them inside the car for nearly 24 hours in the August heat. All three caimans died. The other animals were stable and remain in the zoo’s care for the time being. Chavez pleaded not guilty to federal wildlife trafficking. The arrests followed an 18-month investigation by the US Fish and Wildlife Service, though prosecutors believe Chavez has made tens of thousands of dollars trafficking exotic animals since 2023.
!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #3: HOWIE MANDEL’S LOVING FAMILY UNIT.
Howie Mandel, The “America’s Got Talent” judge, revealed some unusual personal details during a recent episode of his podcast. The remarks were made during an episode featuring his own daughter and cohost, Jackelyn Shultz, as well as guest Camilla Araujo. The conversation took an explicit turn when they began t0 discuss Mandel’s marriage to his wife, Terry Soil. Mandel revealed that he received a sexual service at a massage parlor during his marriage. His daughter, Shultz, asked if it would be considered cheating, to which Araujo responded “yes.” “Would Mom be upset?” Shultz asked her father. Mandel appeared unfazed and told his daughter she could call her mom and ask. ”Oh my God, wait, you’re like actively married?” Araujo asked with shock. “Yeah, I’ve been married for like, 48 years,” Mandel responded. He went on to describe the services, at one point saying, “I pay like $25 bucks” for the sexual favors. In the same episode Mandel and his daughter got into a heated exchange where Mandel called Shultz a “b—-.” The conversation came up when Araujo asked Shultz what it was like growing up with Mandel. Shultz jokingly responded, “It wasn’t good. It wasn’t fun.” Mandel quickly fired back at his daughter, saying, “Well, you weren’t fun. You were a b—-. You were a b—-, sorry.”
