Boner Candidate #1: WHAT KIND OF WORLD IS THIS WHEN A MAN CAN’T GET NAKED AND RIDE ON TOP OF A TRAIN?
Daniel Ballance, from Arizona, was arrested in Colorado after breaking into a Union Pacific locomotive and train surfing without any clothes. Ballance had shattered a window to enter the train. He then climbed onto the roof whilst the vehicle was moving. Multiple witnesses reported seeing a man riding naked atop the locomotive before police arrived at the scene. it traveled through northeastern Colorado, leaving stunned witnesses watching the bizarre ride before deputies took him into custody Thursday. The sheriff’s office later shared his mugshot alongside a Facebook post about the arrest, “for those of you who had the unfortunate experience of seeing this gentleman surfing naked on top of a moving locomotive yesterday, I want you to know that he was arrested on felony and misdemeanor charges.” According to police, Ballance told deputies he loved “vodka, beer and playing the Banjo.” “Unfortunately, we had to separate him from those loves and the train ride…Instead, Daniel is spending some time at an all-expenses-paid stay in jail, where he is presumed innocent until proven guilty.” the Sheriff’s office wrote.
Boner Candidate #2: OH, OH….THAT’S NOT A CYST.
Emily Mitchell in Maine went to Northern Light Inland Hospital in Skowhegan for routine laparoscopic surgery to remove a benign ovarian cyst. While under the knife, Surgeon Dr. Danielle Gagnon removed nearly her entire healthy bladder. Mitchell returned to the hospital in severe pain and unable to urinate. She was forced to spend eight months relying on tubes and machines to drain urine directly from her kidneys. Mitchell was eventually moved to a hospital in Boston where surgeons rebuilt her bladder with intestinal tissue. She still requires catheter use on a daily bases to maintain her health. Emily Mitchell and her husband have been awarded $17 million by a county Jury for a medical malpractice and loss of companionship.
!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #3: THE SECRET SERVICE IS BECOMING LESS SECRET.
A Secret Service agent in southern Florida has been arrested for paddling a college student, as part of a fraternity hazing ritual, so badly that the student suffered kidney damage and nearly died. Investigators identified the victim as a law student at the University of Miami, and the fraternity as Kappa Alpha Psi, a fraternity that prohibits hazing. He had attended the University as an undergraduate and officially joined the Frat in February as a member of a local alumni chapter. The beatings happened on four occasions at off-campus apartments. A second victim had similar injuries. The agent, Marquez Pinder, was booked into a Miami jail on felony charges of hazing, attempted manslaughter and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Pinder’s defense lawyer confirmed that he was put on leave by the Secret Service and claims that Pinder was, “grossly overcharged.” “He has served his country honorably, first in the military and then the Secret Service…we look forward to fighting these charges.”
