Boner Candidate #1: THERE’S NO WORD IF THE CLARINET WAS LOADED
A central Florida middle school in Oviedo briefly went into a “Code Red” lockdown after an AI weapons detection system mistook a student’s clarinet for a gun. Police and school officials quickly confirmed there was no danger, and the lockdown was lifted as a precaution. The school’s principal later explained the incident to parents and urged them to remind students about the seriousness of pretending to have weapons on campus.
Boner Candidate #2: I WAS TRYING TO KILL A SPIDER
A DoorDash driver in Indiana, Kourtney Stevenson, was arrested after spraying a customer’s food with pepper spray, causing a man and his wife to become ill. Doorbell camera footage showed Stevenson spraying an aerosol substance toward the meal, and investigators later identified her through DoorDash records. Stevenson claimed she was trying to kill a spider, but authorities said the cold temperature made that explanation unlikely. She now faces felony battery and consumer product tampering charges, and DoorDash has permanently removed her from the platform.
!!!WINNER!!!
Boner Candidate #3: JESUSBOT WILL COME TO EARTH TO SMITE THE WICKED
Joe Rogan sparked backlash after suggesting on the American Alchemy podcast that Jesus could return in the form of artificial intelligence. Rogan argued that because Jesus was born of a virgin, AI could be considered an even “more virgin” vessel and might return with all of Jesus’ powers. He expanded the idea to include AI robots that could read minds, express love, and function as a kind of technological savior. Many listeners, including some Christians, reacted with alarm or ridicule, warning that the theory felt ominous and deeply unsettling.
