Boner Candidate #1: HE HAD HIS CHIMICHANGA OUT
Brandon Irizarry, a 28-year-old in Florida, was arrested after employees at a Taco Bell reported him for exposing himself at the entrance of the restaurant. Irizarry was still at the scene, naked, when police arrived and took him into custody. The sheriffs joked that the man, “had his chimichanga out.” During a routine inventory of Irizarry’s belongings, deputies found a live betta fish swimming inside a plastic container stored in his backpack. The fish was given to a local humane society, where it was appropriately named “Baja Blast.” The sheriff’s office has reminded the population that a late-night Taco Bell trip should end “with a receipt, maybe some regret, but not a booking number.”
Boner Candidate #2: COME ON DUDES; IT WAS JUST A JOKE
A United Airlines Flight, from Newark, New Jersey to Spain, dissolved into confusion as it was forced to turn around. According to passenger experiences, roughly an hour into the plane ride, flight attendants had suddenly started making multiple, increasingly urgent, commands; all passengers must turn off their Bluetooth connections immediately. The crew stated that the decision came straight from headquarters, and that they would have to turn the plane around if all signals were not disabled. Two active Bluetooth signals remained on and the pilots had to make the call to abort the route. When the panic had passed, the real nature of the threat was revealed. Archives from company frequencies later confirmed that a passenger had customized a discoverable Bluetooth device name to read “BOMB”. Because Bluetooth signals broadcast to any nearby smartphones or laptops, the name popped up on the screens of passengers and crew members, instantly triggering bomb-threat protocol. All passengers were required to clear TSA airport security a second time while the aircraft and checked. Passengers, while relieved to be safe, expressed immense frustration over the multi-hour ordeal, with one traveler commenting online, “This little joke ruined it for everyone.”
!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #3: HE IS A DESPICABLE, SELF CENTERED….PETE’S A DINK.
Secretary of Defense, Pete Hegseth, had been called out for violating rules and promotion systems by blocking promotions for minorities. A board of senior Navy admirals select Navy Officers to be added to a promotions list, for their outstanding work. Pete has reportedly removed multiple minority and female officers from this list recently. Hegseth’s actions violate the rules governing a promotion system that is supposed to be apolitical and merit-based. Hegseths removal of officers from the promotions list is highly unusual according to former defense officials. The defense secretary is only supposed to remove officers from the list for moral, mental, physical or professional failings. Since taking office, Hegseth has fired or sidelined nearly three dozen senior military officers. He has consistently refused to explain why he has chosen to fire officers or pull them from promotion lists.
