Boner Candidate #1: I PUT IT IN ‘WADE’ MODE
Elon Musk, the CEO of Tesla, has said that Tesla’s Cybertruck is, “apocalypse-level safe,” and that, “Cybertruck(s) will be waterproof enough to serve briefly as a boat, so it can cross rivers, lakes & even seas that aren’t too choppy.” One Tesla owner took his word, and tested his Cybertruck by driving it into Grapevine Lake in Dallas, Texas. The Police report says, “The driver stated he intentionally drove into the lake to use the Cybertruck’s “Wade Mode” feature. The vehicle became disabled… The driver was arrested.” Tesla’s official documentation for Wade Mode says it “allows Cybertruck to enter and drive through bodies of water, such as rivers or creeks,” but it also says that “The maximum wade depth is approximately 32 in.” Musk himself has made tweets majorly hyperbolizing the trucks ability to traverse water, saying that the Cybertruck needs to be able to cross a channel of water 42ft in depth. This is also not the first time someone has drove their Cybertruck into a body of water and got stuck.
!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #2: COME TO MY MANSION FOR ALL THE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES YOU CAN EAT
President Trump’s point person on Greenland, Gov. Jeff Landry, took a high profile visit to Greenland on a self-proclaimed mission to “make a bunch of friends.” Landry took this trip in light of Trump’s threats to seize the island from its native people. Within hours of landing in Nyuk, the capital of Greenland, Landry toured the town and was given the finger by a random citizen. Landry brought MAGA merchandise to hand out to children, and many refused. He even told some kids, that if they ever came to his mansion in Louisiana, they could have “all the chocolate chip cookies you can eat.” Jens-Frederik Nielsen, Greenland’s prime minister, expressed his discomfort with the whole thing, saying, “We have our red lines…And no matter how many chocolate cookies we get, we are not going to change them.” When Landry was later confronted about this by press, he said, “There’s only one line and it’s red, white and blue.”
Boner Candidate #3: I DON’T WANT TO BE CONNECTED TO TRUMP AND HIS ADMINISTRATION LIKE NEVER BEFORE
The White House has unveiled their new social media style app that, “gives all Americans direct access to White House live streams, breaking news alerts, new policy initiatives, social media posts, and more.” The Trump administration launched the app in March, but the push to install the app on the devices of government employees drew surprise from federal officials, and cybersecurity researchers. In The Federal Aviation Administration, the app will be automatically downloaded to any and all FAA-issued iPhones and iPads, as mandated by the White House. Cybersecurity workers have warned about the apps vulnerabilities, like how it shares the IP addresses, time zones and other data of users with third-party services. Forcing agencies to install it on employee’s government furnished phones is “dangerous” and should be “cause for alarm,” says Sonny Hashmi, a former longtime government IT executive. “Any app that is installed on government issued devices can potentially create backdoor access to government networks” While the instructions to install the app may sound like a way to communicate more directly, “this isn’t really operational,” says former government tech official David Nesting, pointing to the fact that it’s the same app available to the general public. “It’s just making sure all federal employees are forced to see the same propaganda they push out to the public.”
