Boners

Boner Candidate Preview July 20, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: SIZEMORE IS AT IT AGAIN

Actor Tom Sizemore, best known for roles in epic war films films like “Saving Private Ryan” and “Black Hawk Down,” has been arrested for domestic violence, TMZ reports. According to sources, Sizemore was apprehended on Tuesday morning in Los Angeles after the LAPD received multiple calls from a woman in distress. When the police arrived, Sizemore’s girlfriend claimed he hit her in the face and on the head in the midst of a heated argument. In 2003, the 54-year-old actor was convicted for physically abusing his former girlfriend, “Hollywood Madam” Heidi Fleiss.

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Boner Candidate #2: BAN HIM FROM WRITING ANYTHING EVER

Twitter has banned one of its most notoriously contentious voices. On Tuesday evening, the microblogging service permanently suspended the account of conservative commentator Milo Yiannopoulos, a day after he incited his followers to bombard Ghostbusters star Leslie Jones with racist and demeaning tweets. “People should be able to express diverse opinions and beliefs on Twitter,” a company spokesperson said in a statement provided to BuzzFeed News.

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Boner Candidate #3: BUBBA WANTS HIS GUN BACK

Iberia Parish Sheriff Louis Ackal, who was indicted early this year and prohibited from carrying a weapon, is asking Federal District Judge Donald Walter to give his gun access back in light of the recent killings of police in Baton Rouge and Dallas. Ackal, who was indicted in U.S. federal court for allegedly ordering the beatings of multiple pre-trial inmates, filed an appeal Monday to allow him to carry a gun, and argued that as the parish’s chief law enforcement officer and a 50-year veteran, he feels like a “sitting duck” without one.

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Boner Candidate #4: GOAT KILLERS

A mountain goat in Alaska jumped into the ocean to get away from crowds snapping its picture, and the animal drowned when it couldn’t get back to land because of the crush of people on shore. Alaska state troopers say it’s imperative to give animals adequate space. That didn’t happen Saturday in downtown Seward, and troopers say in an online post that it “resulted in a wild animal dying for no cause.”

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Boner Candidate #5: NOBODY SAID BEING A NANNY WOULD BE EASY

A Chinese woman’s American dream turned into a nightmare, authorities say, when she was enslaved by a Minnesota woman who starved and beat her while forcing her to work 18-hour days with little pay. The 58-year-old woman’s horror story came to an end Wednesday, according to Washington County prosecutors, when she escaped the Woodbury, St. Paul-area home with two black eyes and numerous broken bones. Lili Huang, 35, who the woman claims employed her as a nanny, was arrested a day later on five felony counts related to human labor trafficking, according to the prosecutor’s office.

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Boner Candidate #6: WE ARE JUST TRYING TO TEACH THE TRUTH ABOUT MEXICANS

Activists and educators on Monday called a Mexican-American studies textbook proposed for use across Texas biased and poorly researched and argued that its contents are especially offensive in a state where a majority of public school students are Hispanic. A battle over the high school text is shaping up to become the latest ideological clash for the Republican-controlled Texas Board of Education. Its members have long waged high-profile debates over the teaching of evolution, climate change and Christianity’s influence on America’s Founding Fathers to more than 5.2 million public school students statewide.

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