Boner Candidate #1: LUCKY IT WAS ONLY A THUMB, DUMB ASS
In the clip two handlers can be seen eagerly explaining to the holidaymakers how to correctly hold the reptile’s head as the female trainer straddles the beast. Finishing off their demonstration with the alligator, the pair allow a tourist to come forward to see the creature up close. Jumping off the 6ft-long animal, the female handler allows the holidaymaker to take her place on its back. As the man places himself onto of the alligator, the two handlers instruct him to place his feet under its front legs and put his hands on either side of its jaws. The situation appears to be under control until the mighty animal reaches the end of its patience with the humans.
Boner Candidate #2: WE ONLY TIP CITIZENS
Most food servers get tips from customers when they do the job. All Sadie Elledge got was a xenophobic insult. On Monday, the 18-year-old waitress was working the lunch shift at Jess’ Lunch, in Harrisonburg, Virginia. At one of her tables was a couple that ordered two gyros and a salad. Elledge told WHSV reporter Isabel Rosales that she gave them decent service, but when it came time to pay the $26.11 bill, she found a surprise on her receipt. Instead of a tip, there was a note: “We only tip citizens,” with the signature of one “Adam. Dart.” “I thought it was real disrespectful,” she told Rosales during a Facebook Live interview. Elledge, whose father was born in Honduras and mother was born in Mexico, is a U.S. citizen who grew up in Harrisonburg. She told Rosales she didn’t make a big deal about the insult, mainly because she’s used to it.
Boner Candidate #3: HEY, THAT’S WHAT I CALL IT TOO!
A 21-year-old Nebraska man suspected of masturbating in public on two separate occasions tried to convince police that what bystanders had witnessed was actually his mixing a protein shake in his car. Nathan Grimes, of Lincoln, was arrested on Tuesday on two counts of indecent exposure after he was allegedly spotted pleasuring himself last week, and then again on Monday. Police say a 35-year-old woman was filling up her car at a Shell gas station on Belmont Street at around 4pm last Wednesday when she noticed a man touching himself in a sexual manner inside a white Mazda. By the time she whipped out her phone to call 911, the Mazda had left, reported The Smoking Gun. Then on Monday morning, police got a call from a 49-year-old woman saying that she was walking out of Casey’s General Store at Southwest 6th and A streets when she caught sight of a man masturbating behind the wheel of a white Mazda.
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