Boners

Boner Candidates August 2, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: I SAID THE N WORD BECAUSE I HAD PERSONAL STRUGGLES

There she is, Miss Teen USA, and there are all her racist tweets. The pageant, already under fire for its lack of diversity among its finalists, was hit with another scandal after their newly crowned queen’s resurfaced Twitter posts showed her constantly using the N-word. Within minutes of winning the Teen USA title on Saturday night in Las Vegas, Karlie Hay’s social media history came back to haunt her, in posts from 2013 to 2014. Hay, formerly Miss Texas Teen USA, wrote in posts to her friends, “I know I’m a comedian n—-r,””don’t threaten me I will wrap your house n—-r,” and “I don’t have your number, n—-.” “I admit that I have used language publicly in the past which I am not proud of and that there is no excuse for,” she wrote early Sunday. She blamed her racist language on “personal struggles,” and said she’s become a “better person” through education.

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Boner Candidate #2: I’M MAKING SURE PEOPLE ARE SAFE

A man who allegedly impersonated a police officer, pulled over a vehicle and had the occupants get out of the car at gunpoint was arrested by real police officers Saturday. Adan Pandur, 27, of Magna, was arrested for investigation of impersonating an officer, three counts of aggravated assault and four counts of unlawful detention. Pandur used red and white lights on his vehicle to get another vehicle to pull over about 4:15 a.m., according to a Salt Lake County Jail report. He then announced he was an officer, pointed a gun at three of the occupants and had them get out of the car, the report states. He told the group he “was making sure everyone was safe on the roadway,” according to the report. When Pandur got back in his vehicle and drove away, the people who were pulled over took a picture of his license plate and called the real authorities, the report states.

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Boner Candidate #3: WELCOME TO AMERICA

A Palestinian family who traveled thousands of miles for their baby’s open-heart surgery shielded themselves from bullets this weekend during a quick trip to the carryout.  The family speaks little English but spoke with ABC 6/FOX 28 Monday through an interpreter. They say they moved to the area several years ago as their one-year old daughter had already undergone a series of surgeries and must go through more. They were close to Nationwide Children’s Hospital Friday when the father stopped at the Family Carryout on East Livingston Avenue to buy a bottle of water. He left his wife and baby inside their SUV which he parked in front of the store. That’s when police say gunman Aaron Kimbrough approached the family’s car and opened fire. The mother, who is pregnant, ducked from the bullets as she shielded her toddler daughter. One bullet lodged in the passenger’s side of the car. Police say the Family Carryout clerk told Kimbrough to stop as he grabbed his own gun and fired back. Officers say they caught up with Kimbrough nearby after he ran and said he was still carrying a long-barreled rifle.

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