Boner of the Day

Boner Candidates February 18, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: PUBLIC RESTROOM SEX WITH THE GRAND BABY ALONG FOR THE DAY.

A 42-year-old grandmother high on Xanax, morphine and vodka had sex in the bathroom of a suburban Boynton Beach’s community gym while her 2-year-old grandson was in her care, the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office reports. Another child, whose age was not released, told police he saw April Purvis, 42, “having sex” in the bathroom at the Indian Hills community’s rec center with a man and heard them moaning, the arrest report says. Purvis, who faces a child neglect charge, had her grandson in the bathroom with her, investigators say. The child told police a man emerged from the bathroom and gave the child money to go away. When the boy returned, he saw Purvis unconscious on the bathroom floor holding both her grandson and a knife, he told police.

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Boner Candidate #2: FOLLOW THAT SMOKESCREEN

A speeding driver who set off a James Bond-style smokescreen device as he tried to shake off a police officer was spared jail today. Simon Chaplin, 62, rigged a bucket of diesel, a pump and pipes, behind the passenger seat of his battered Peugeot 309 to produce ‘colossal’ amounts of grey smoke from his exhaust. ‘Eccentric’ Chaplin, from Hebron, near Whitland, Carmarthenshire, then activated the device when a police officer attempted to pull him over for speeding, covering the carriageway with fumes. He was eventually cornered in a farmyard and convicted of causing a danger to other road users, but was spared jail and instead handed a community order of 100 hours unpaid work when he appeared before Swansea Crown Court. The court was told that after setting off the device, which is usually used to kill moles, Chaplin had tried to evade Pc Dafydd Birch’s flashing blue lights.

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Boner Candidate #3: I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET SOMEONE’S ATTENTION.

An Oregon woman who got frustrated about her emergency room care is now in jail facing arson charges after she triggered the sprinkler system and flooded several hospital rooms, police say. Laura Samuel, 33, was taken to Mount Hood Medical Center in Gresham Friday morning for an evaluation, Fox 12 Oregon reports. Police say she was frustrated with how long it took for her to get discharged, so she first broke the telephone in her room. “Not drawing the attention she desired Samuel appears to have then used the phone’s battery to break a fire alarm light in a nearby hallway bathroom,” according to a Gresham Police Department release. Breaking the alarm light did not set off the fire alarm, so investigators say Samuel turned to the sprinkler system.

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