Boners

Boner Candidates for March 30 2016

Boner Candidate #1: JUST ANOTHER DAY BEING GROPED AND PEPPER SPRAYED AT A TRUMP RALLY

A 15-year-old girl was sexually assaulted before being pepper-sprayed in the face outside a Donald Trump rally in Janesville, Wisconsin on Tuesday, police said. The teen, identified by local news outlets as a protester, was in a crowd of about 1,000 people gathered outside the Holiday Inn Express when she was allegedlygroped by a man and pepper-sprayed by another person. Videos of the incident showed the teen yelling at a man in the crowd. “You fucking touched my chest!” she screamed. “I never touched her,” responded a voice from the throng. When the teen tried to throw a punch at someone in the crowd, another person sprayed an orange substance in her face.

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Boner Candidate #2: I’M NOT SUING BECAUSE YOU ARE A BAD SURGEON, I’M SUING BECAUSE YOU ARE A LIAR

A Milford woman has filed a lawsuit claiming that she had to undergo two surgeries on the same day after a surgeon-in-training operated on the wrong body part and then lied about why a second operation was needed. Deborah Craven, 60, was admitted to Yale-New Haven Hospital on May 18, 2015, to undergo removal of a painful and potentially cancerous lesion found on one of her ribs, said her attorney, Joel T. Faxon. Craven was under the care of Dr. Anthony Kim, an attending physician, and his thoracic surgery trainee and fellow, Dr.Ricardo Quarrie, a recent graduate of Ohio State University School of Medicine’s residency program in general surgery. Quarrie was added to the team for training purposes without Craven’s knowledge, her lawyer said. Radiologists had properly marked the site where the lesion was located by placing metallic coils into Craven’s 8th rib and injecting a marking dye into her skin, Faxon said in a prepared statement. “Craven then underwent the procedure where the wrong rib was removed and, upon awakening, was in immediate pain that persisted into the night,’’ the lawyer wrote. “Hospital staff ordered an X-ray that revealed the metal markers were still in place in Craven’s rib and that the surgery had been performed on the 7th rib, rather than the 8th, despite it being redundantly marked and identified by radiology.’’

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Boner Candidate #3: ALLAHU AKBAR AT THE FESTIVAL OF PURIM DID NOT LIGHTEN THE MOOD

A French Jew strolled into his synagogue dressed as a gun-toting jihadist, shouting “Allahu Akbar” — in an attempt, he said, to “lighten the mood” after last week’s terrorist attacks. The 40-year-old man was attending services for the festival of Purim, a costumed celebration, toting a fake submachine gun at the Chabad Lubavitch synagogue in an eastern Paris suburb last week. The prank was a dud, and the unnamed man drew the attention of local cops, who ordered him to show up at a local police station on Friday. “I think I made a big mistake,” he told Le Parisien newspaper. The synagogue is located in Vincennes, where gunmen shot four Jews last year.

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