Boners

Boner Candidates June 10, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: I’M JUST LOOKING FOR A PIECE OF RHUBARB PIE

Officers responded to a report June 4 of an elderly male driver that appeared to be drunk or in need of help. Everything checked OK, as the man said he was in the area looking for rhubarb pie.

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Boner Candidate #2: PRAY AWAY THE GAY

A 17-year-old girl has been sent away by her parents to a ‘pray away the gay’ Christian camp in East Texas. Now other family members are attempting to raise money to sue for her freedom. Over the weekend of June 4, a GoFundMe page titled ‘Save Sarah’ was set up for the teen by her cousin Joey Jordan, an actor who plays Winn Schott on the show ‘Supergirl’–and states that her parents “believe that homosexuality is a sin and abnormal”, and that Sarah was sent away against her will to the facility for troubled teens to ‘pray away the gay.'” The realization of Sarah’s sexuality drew her parents’ attention when it was time to go to prom, and Sarah elected to take her girlfriend. Jordan states that “instead of preparing for college and competing in the state debate tournament, she’ll be doing forced labor every day and enduring Bible-based ‘therapy’ for her ‘disease.'”

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Boner Candidate #3: VODKA OR NINE ONE ONE? YOU DECIDE.

A Collier County man called 911 on Monday night because his girlfriend wouldn’t buy him vodka. He told dispatch his neighbors were fighting and yelling. When deputies showed up, there was no yelling, and there was no scene. Deputies said it was a prank, and neighbors said it wasn’t funny. Each time a deputy is sent to a non-emergency call, that’s the taxpayer’s dollars spent and the officers’ time wasted. We got ahold of the 911 call. Operator: “Collier County 911. What is the status of your emergency?” Jack Means: “Uh sorry. It’s not what I’d call a true emergency, but it’s the same b-s.”But it’s not the same because two Collier County sheriff’s deputies were dispatched to a non-emergency.

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