Boners

Boner Candidates June 3, 2016

Boner Candidates #1: THE SIN CURSED GORILLA

Ken Ham, the creationist behind Kentucky‘s “life sized” replica of Noah’s ark, took to his blog this week to jump on the controversy surrounding Cincinnati zookeepers decision to shoot a silverback gorilla after a four year old boy fell into its cage. While many have condemned the zoo for killing the endangered ape, the zoo defended itself by pointing out that a tranquilizer dart may not have worked quickly enough to prevent the gorilla from harming the child. Ham, however, doesn’t express much remorse that the innocent animal was killed as he uses the tragedy to condemn abortion. Apparently no one bothered to tell him that in the Biblical story, God saved the animals with that ark.

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Boner Candidates #2: THAT MEXICAN JUDGE HAS IT OUT FOR ME

A judge, called a “hater” by Donald J. Trump for his handling of a lawsuit related to the businessman’s Trump University real estate school, has ordered documents related to the case to be unsealed. Mr. Trump is fighting a lawsuit that accuses his school venture of misleading thousands of people who paid up to $35,000 for seminars to learn about Mr. Trump’s real estate investment strategies. In an order signed on Friday, Judge Gonzalo P. Curiel of United States District Court said that related materials, including Trump University procedures on dealing with students and the news media, should be unsealed. He noted that the material had already been published by Politico and that a magistrate judge described them previously as “routine” and “commonplace.” At a rally on Friday in San Diego, Mr. Trump criticized Judge Curiel. “I have a judge who is a hater of Donald Trump,” Mr. Trump said.

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Boner Candidates #3: THAT SHOULD TEACH THE LITTLE BASTARD A LESSON

A 7-year-old Japanese boy who disappeared nearly a week ago after his parents left him on the side of a mountain road to discipline him was found unharmed on Friday, the Japanese authorities said. The boy, Yamato Tanooka, wandered onto a military base about three miles from where he was left on Saturday on the northern island of Hokkaido. He was found early Friday morning by soldiers on a training exercise, exhausted but apparently uninjured, the local police said. The boy’s parents have faced harsh public criticism over the case, which has been covered intensively by the Japanese news media since his disappearance.

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