Boner of the Day

Boner Candidates March 17, 2016

Boner Candidate #1: THE SHERIFF SAYS MOST OF THAT RAPE STUFF IS CONSENSUAL SEX

An Idaho sheriff says the Legislature shouldn’t have gotten involved in creating a statewide system for collecting and tracking rape kits because many rape accusations are false. The state lawmaker who introduced the bill immediately denounced the comments. Bingham County Sheriff Craig Rowland made the comments Monday to Idaho Falls TV station KIDK before lawmakers unanimously approved the new system and sent the measure to the governor. The bill would require medical clinics to use rape kits to collect forensic evidence after a suspected sexual assault. The clinics would then have to send the evidence for DNA testing, unless the victim requests otherwise or law enforcement agencies get prosecutors’ approval to not test the kits.

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Boner Candidate #2: I GUESS THE GOOD NEWS IS THEY DECIDED NOT TO DRIVE

Heber City Police arrested two people for multiple drug charges after they were discovered passed out inside a vehicle parked in the driveway of a home, according to police. Police were tipped off to the suspected drug dealers by a couple who was taking out their garbage and called dispatch after spotting a suspicious car in their driveway, according to court documents. When the couple looked into the car, they saw two people passed out inside, according to police. Responding officers say they contacted Russell Sweat, 41, and Tabbatha Melo, 30, in the car and found drugs and paraphernalia on each of them. Sweat was arrested and charged with DUI, Felony Possession of Methamphetamine, Possession with Intent to Distribute, Possession of Drug Paraphernalia.

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Boner Candidate #3: PARDONEZ MOI….I DID NOT WIN ZEE LOTTERY? ZOOT ALOR!

A French woman who thought she won the lottery jackpot racked up thousands in bills when she went on a shopping spree to celebrate, only to learn her ticket was off by a digit. The 46-year-old mom then had to sheepishly explain her spendthrift ways to court after cops arrested her for fraud, having bounced cheques all over the Haut-Doubs region of France. According to newspaper L’Est Republicain, which did not name the woman, her husband was worried the lottery company was slow in sending his wife the winnings, so he rechecked her ticket. That’s when he realized her spending celebrations were a tad premature. Instead of coming clean, however, she burned her purse and told cops it had been stolen. However, security cameras caught her making purchases at several stores.

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