Boners

Boner of the Day for April 2nd, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: HOW ABOUT A LITTLE NIPPLE EQUALITY HERE?

A 3-year-old topless selfie cost New York teacher Lauren Miranda her job. The 25-year-old had privately sent the photo to her then-romantic partner back in 2016, WPIX reports. Both of them were teachers within the South Country School District in Bellport, Long Island. In January, a student somehow got his hands on that picture. Miranda was put on home assignment for three months. She was told last week she was fired. “That picture was never posted,” said Miranda. “How it got out is the million dollar question.” The $3 million question to be exact. Attorney John Ray has filed a notice of claim asking for Miranda to be reinstated or for the school district to pay up. Miranda says she is being discriminated against for being a woman.

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Candidate #2: WELL, THAT’S A NOVEL WAY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SOMEONE

A Virginia Beach man is accused of orchestrating a scheme that took advantage of another man with “diminished mental capacity,” according to federal authorities. John Michael Gatchell, 55, was charged with one count of mail fraud. The woman and the victim are not named in the documents. Records said Gatchell allegedly persuaded a woman with whom he had a long-term romantic relationship to marry another man who had diminished mental capacity in order to obtain money and property from him. “Obviously, it’s a very serious felony that carries up to $1 million in fines and up to 30 years in prison,” attorney and legal analyst George Neskis told WTKR. “Anytime you victimize those people that need help, that is a big aggravating factor.” The alleged scheme took place from October 2015 until September 2016. The suspect is accused of taking tens of thousands of dollars by getting the victim to co-sign a loan for a Jaguar, take out money for mortgage loans and more.

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Candidate #3: YOU COULD HEAR HER COMING FROM A BLOCK AWAY

Tulsa police arrested a woman after she was allegedly driving drunk on a rim of her vehicle. According to Tulsa police, officers were conducting a traffic stop when they spotted a driver driving on a rim. Police say they quickly ended the original traffic stop and pulled over the driver, which they say they could “hear her coming from a block away.” Officers asked the woman, later identified as Amy Dillon, how much she had to drink in which she replied that she’d had two tequila shots. Police say “she could barely stand upright” and did not do well on a field sobriety test. Police say they also found a full margarita inside her cup holder.

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Round 2

Candidate #1: I ASKED FOR BROASTED CHICKEN.

A Wisconsin’s man choice of poultry led to a dispute with his wife and a 911 call Sunday night, police said. Police responded around 7:30 p.m. to the couple’s Brown Deer residence after a 40-year-old woman reported a verbal argument with her 37-year-old husband. “The subjects got into an argument because the male brought home the wrong type of chicken,” Brown Deer police wrote in the department’s “Noteworthy Calls for the Day” report. Police said the man agreed to stay with his father for the night.

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Candidate #2: HEY, WE GOT OUT OF CLASS DIDN’T WE?

A Park City Fire District spokesperson, Tricia Hazelrigg, said 19 people suffered a sensation of burning in the lungs and abdominal cramping Monday afternoon after they were exposed to pepper spray at Park City High School. “Some complained of lingering burning sensation in their lungs you were found to be stable as far as her vitals go so I was nothing of major concern,” Hazelrigg said. The incident was first reported as a gas leak around 2 p.m., after school had let out for the day. Members of the faculty and some remaining students evacuated the building. Fox13 spoke to one of those students, 15-year-old Jesse Helton, he felt needle like feelings in his lungs when he walked into the school. “A bunch of kids were like crying and coughing and all of a sudden I turn the corner I took a deep breath in and that’s when it hit me. It felt like chlorine was in my throat, bunch of needles.” Helton said.

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Candidate #3: YOU’RE NOT LEAVING UNTIL THE SWELLING GOES DOWN

A Florida man has been charged with domestic aggravated battery after he knocked out a woman with a gas cylinder, according to police.  Early Thursday morning, a woman found text messages on the phone of Angel Luis Sanchez-Baez suggesting that he had cheated on her, a police arrest report seen by NBC-affiliate WFLA showed. The victim then woke up the 42-year-old at his home in Wesley Chapel, Pasco County in the Tampa Bay area, to ask him about the messages.
This led the pair to argue, the woman told Pasco County officers according to Patch.com. She then attempted to leave the property, she told officers. As she did so, Sanchez-Baez used a green propane cylinder to hit her on the back of her head. The suspect knocked the woman to the floor, causing her to lose consciousness. She did not know how long she was out for, according to WFLA.

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