Boners

Boner Fight for December 2nd, 2020

Boner Candidate #1: I DESERVE AN ELABORATE WEDDING

A British bridezilla took wedding planning to a new low by shaving her head and faking terminal cancer to dupe her friends into donating more than $11,000 for her dream event, according to a report. “It’s gone to my brain, my bones – it’s everywhere,” Toni Standen, 29, who is unemployed, told local media in the elaborate hoax about the disease, the Mirror reported. In an emotional plea, she said she wanted her 57-year-old dad Derek, who was actually suffering from cancer, to walk her down the aisle. He died before the big day but a video he recorded was played at the ceremony. “After hearing her father’s labored words she got up and gave a faultless speech, even cracking a few jokes,” a guest told the news outlet.  “Her mother and brother were in bits. We’d all just listened to a father of the bride message from beyond the grave,” the guest added.

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Boner Candidate #2: AFTER A LONG PERIOD OF REFLECTION….I SCREWED UP.

PARIS—Belgian police have broken up an illegal lockdown orgy involving around 20 men including at least one foreign politician and several diplomats in a central Brussels bar, according to local reports. Officers burst into the ground floor of a bar on Rue des Pierres in the Belgian capital on Friday night to discover alcohol, drugs, and what has been described as “a party of legs in the air,” Belgian newspaper La Dernière Heure (DH) reported, with a source claiming, “We interrupted a gang bang!” One of the revelers was Jozsef Szajer, a Hungarian Member of the European Parliament (MEP) and a senior figure in Viktor Orbán’s ruling far-right Fidesz party until he resigned on Sunday. He tried to escape through a window and along the gutter but injured himself and was then confronted by police reinforcements that had just arrived. Some reports claimed the politician tried to invoke a parliamentary right to immunity but European Parliament regulations state that members can be subject to “inquiry, detention or legal proceedings” if they are “found in the act of committing an offense.”

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