Boners

Boner of the Day for December 3rd, 2020

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: IN MY JUDGEMENT, TRUMP WON

MO PROBLEMS — Scooplet:Rep. Mo Brooks (R-Ala.) has been telling colleagues and allies that he plans to challenge the Electoral College votes when Congress officially certifies Joe Biden’s victory on Jan. 6, as long as a Senate Republican joins him in the long-shot effort, sources tell your Huddle host. Brooks confirmed his plans in a phone interview, adding that he is still considering objecting to the vote-counting process even if no one joins him — though he acknowledged that would be more of a symbolic protest. Brooks, echoing President Donald Trump’s baseless claims of voter fraud without providing evidence, argued that the election was “badly flawed” and that most mail-in voting is “unconstitutional.” “In my judgment, if only lawful votes by eligible American citizens were cast, Donald Trump won the Electoral College by a significant margin, and Congress’s certification should reflect that,” Brooks said. “This election was stolen by the socialists engaging in extraordinary voter fraud and election theft measures.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I’LL GIVE YOU ONE GUESS TO FIGURE OUT WHO THE DICK WHO VOTED NO IS.

WASHINGTON — The U.S. Senate voted 96-1 Wednesday to speed up disability benefits for Americans who are diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis — commonly referred to as ALS. The bill’s sponsor, U.S. Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse, D-R.I., worked closely with U.S. Sen. Tom Cotton, R-Ark., to secure passage of the measure, which would waive the five-month waiting period that delays patients’ access to Social Security Disability Insurance. The legislation now heads to the other side of the Capitol. The House version of the bill, sponsored by U.S. Rep. Seth Moulton, D-Mass., already has more than 300 co-sponsors, including all four of Arkansas’ congressmen. Members of the ALS Association, Arkansas Chapter Inc. welcomed Wednesday’s vote. “Yes, we are thrilled about this news,” said Jennifer Necessary, the group’s executive director. ALS is incurable and is “100 percent fatal, usually within two to five years of diagnosis,” Necessary said in an email.

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Boner Candidate #3: ONCE AGAIN, FAIR PLAY LOSES.

Officials from the Treasury Department and the Small Business Administration have argued that the program primarily benefited smaller business because a vast majority of the loans ― more than 87% ― were for less than $150,000, as of August. But the new data show that more than half of the $522 billion in the same time frame had gone to bigger businesses, and only 28% of the money was distributed in amounts of under $150,000. The newly released data comes after a federal lawsuit filed by The Washington Post and 10 other news organizations under the Freedom of Information Act challenging the SBA’s refusal to release records on borrowers and loan amounts. A federal judge ordered release of the data by Tuesday and the agency did not appeal.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: ….NOT AS I DO.

In early November, as health officials warned of an impending COVID-19 spike, Austin Mayor Steve Adler hosted an outdoor wedding and reception with 20 guests for his daughter at a trendy hotel near downtown. The next morning, Adler and seven other wedding attendees boarded a private jet for Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, where they vacationed for a week at a family timeshare. One night into the trip, Adler addressed Austin residents in a Facebook video: “We need to stay home if you can. This is not the time to relax. We are going to be looking really closely. … We may have to close things down if we are not careful.” In hosting the wedding and traveling internationally, Adler said he broke neither his own order nor those by Gov. Greg Abbott. But at the time, the city was recommending people not gather in groups of more than 10, and, the day after Adler’s departure, Austin’s health authority warned that “it’s important that we drive the (COVID-19) numbers down in advance of Thanksgiving.”

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Boner Candidate #2: ONCE AGAIN, YANKEE KNOW HOW TRIUMPHS.

(Reuters) – With the COVID-19 pandemic sweeping across its shores earlier this year, the U.S. government in April announced orders for almost $3 billion of ventilators for a national stockpile, meant to save Americans suffering from severe respiratory problems brought on by the disease. But of the 140,000 machines added since then by the government to the U.S. Strategic National Stockpile, almost half were basic breathing devices that don’t meet what medical specialists say are the minimum requirements for ventilators needed to treat Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome, the main cause of death among COVID-19 patients, according to a Reuters review of publicly-available device specifications and interviews with doctors and industry executives. Only about 10% are full intensive care unit (ICU) ventilators of a type that doctors and ventilator specialists say they would normally use to intubate patients suffering from Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome or ARDS, the Reuters review found. The remainder – or about 40% – are transport ventilators normally employed for shorter periods but are considered sophisticated enough to be used long enough for ARDS patients to recover.

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Boner Candidate #3: NOT A HAPPY ENDING.

Three women arrested last year as part of a high-profile “human trafficking” sting in Florida were sentenced recently as part of plea agreements with Palm Beach County prosecutors. While avoiding further jail time, the women must still pay the state some hefty fees for allegedly facilitating the sexual gratification of massage customers, including New England Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft. Meanwhile, all charges against Kraft were dropped in September. After courts ruled the state’s massage-room surveillance footage inadmissible, prosecutors dismissed cases against Kraft and other men charged last year with soliciting prostitution at Orchids of Asia Day Spa in Jupiter, Florida. The investigation—aided by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security—was a mess from the start, with authorities in Palm Beach and nearby counties coordinating to target Chinese immigrant-owned spa businesses for prostitution stings and then announcing the results together as a major “human trafficking” bust. Local sheriffs made national news with their narrative of young Asian sex slaves and a vast network of knowing men who patronized them, and the story served as fodder for all sorts of melodramatic media exposes on “sex trafficking” at “illicit massage parlors” and “massage parlor brothels.”

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