Boner of the Day

Boner Fight for January 18th, 2019

Boner Fight:

Boner Candidate #1: OH YOU ARE A SEXY PITBULL

All those women on Twitter constantly lusting after “sexy” “real man” Michael Cohen, as it turns out, do not exist. President Donald Trump’s former personal attorney used his boss’s money to pay someone to run an account called “Women for Cohen” that fawned over the lawyer’s looks and abilities as a litigator. The account frequently used hashtags like #sexy, #handsome, and #pitbull to create the illusion that Cohen had a large female fanbase.  One tweet, for example, quoted Cohen when he compared his looks to a young Andy Garcia and said that Cohen was “even more sexy.”
Here are some other examples: Cohen paid $25,000 and gave a boxing glove to a man named John Gauger to “rig” polls in Trump’s favor, which led to the creation of the Women for Cohen account at Cohen’s request, according to a new report from the Wall Street Journal. Gauger runs a small IT company called RedFinch and was supposed to get $50,000, though he said he never did. Cohen, however, got a full $50,000 reimbursement from Trump, according to the Journal.

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Boner Candidate #2:  I CAN’T AFFORD TO GO TO A SHRINK

Apparently this guy thought stealing dogs would be therapeutic. A Florida man was arrested Wednesday for stealing a pair of Jack Russell Terriers for a “therapy reason” according to a police report unearthed by the Smoking Gun. Parker Capparelli, 28, was charged with grand theft by cops in Trilby Florida who also busted him last month for trying to cash $20,000 in stolen checks, according to the report. Police said Capparelli claimed the dogs willingly followed him off their 73-year-old owner’s property after he let them out of their pen and that “one of them looked like a dog he used to own.” The alleged dog-napper lives 8-miles away from where he encountered the pups. Capparelli was in possession of the dogs when police came to question him. The perp reportedly told “an Involved other” that he wanted the dogs for therapy purposes.

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