Boners

Boner Fight for January 18th, 2021

Boner Candidate #1: I WAS LOST. AND I DIDN’T MEAN TO BRING A GUN.

Wesley Allen Beeler, 31, of Front Royal drove his Ford F-150 up to a checkpoint on E Street, northeast of the Capitol, where he was met by Capitol Police officers, according to the court documents. The area is one of many under complete lockdown following the Jan. 6 breach of the Capitol and ahead of the Jan. 20 inauguration. Beeler was arrested on charges of carrying a pistol without a license, possession of an unregistered firearm and possession of unregistered ammunition, a Capitol Police spokesperson said. At a hearing on Saturday afternoon, the U.S. attorney’s office for the District asked a judge to issue a stay-away order. Beeler was released on personal recognizance, which prosecutors did not object to, even when the judge asked three times whether the government wished him to be held ahead of trial.

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Boner Candidate #2: I THOUGHT IT WAS CANDY.

ENGLAND — A woman from England says she mistook a small box of firework poppers for popping candy. When she tried to eat a handful of the poppers, she reportedly suffered burns to her mouth. Lisa Boothroyd says she bought a box of Fun Snaps from a local store, where it was stored near various candy items, Southwest News Service (SWNS) reports. According to her, the product’s placement in the store and the design of the box led her to believe that the Fun Snaps were candies. Instead, she had actually bought a box of novelty noisemakers. “I remember the moment I crunched down on a handful of the ‘sweets’ — and instantly felt explosions in my mouth,” Boothroyd said. “I felt a burning pain straight away. I’m still in agony and nearly lost a tooth after it cracked from the explosion.” According to SWNS, Boothroyd suffered chemical burns to her lips and gums and also cracked one of her teeth. Fortunately, she says she didn’t lose any teeth

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