Boners

Boner Fight for March 4th, 2019

Boner Candidate #1: I AM THE TOE SUCKING GOD

A homeless man who claimed to be a god-like, mythical figure sent down from heaven to seduce women was convicted of breaking into a woman’s home and sucking on her toes. Richard Michael Parkhurst, 29, was convicted in California court of a felony burglary count and three misdemeanors, including one count of peeking into an inhabited building and two counts of indecent exposure. He was also charged with a felony count of assault with the intent to commit a sex offense, but jurors were undecided on a verdict. Prosecutors eventually dismissed this count, according to Patch.

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Boner Candidate #2: TO BE FAIR THE CHILD WAS IN AN APPROVED AND PROPERLY INSTALLED CAR SEAT

The woman caught on video crashing her car into the Los Angeles Police Department San Pedro station’s lobby – with her two-month-old baby in tow – will face multiple charges, the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Office said Wednesday. Michelle Betancourt, 29, faces one felony count each of child abuse under circumstances or conditions likely to cause great bodily injury or death, assault upon a peace officer, vandalism over $400, resisting an executive officer and battery with injury on a peace officer, as well as one misdemeanor count of hit-and-run driving resulting in property damage, the DA’s Office said.

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