Round 1
Candidate #1: YOU HAVE HATRED IN YOUR HEART AND YOU NEED TO FORGIVE
Candidate #2: NOW THAT’S DETECTIVE WORK AT ITS FINEST
Police in New Jersey say footprints in the snow led them from a crashed stolen car to the man suspected of stealing the car. Hackensack Police Capt. Peter Busciglio says the 23-year-old suspect was arrested on motor vehicle theft and resisting arrest charges Saturday. NorthJersey.com reports the victim told police he left his car running with the keys in the ignition when it was stolen. Authorities say the victim got into a company car and pursued the suspect until he crashed and fled on foot. Responding officers tracked down the suspect by following his footprints in the snow. The suspect has been released on a summons and no court date has been scheduled.
Candidate #3: THE ANTI-SEMETIC ANIMAL HOUSE
Round 2
Candidate #1: IT WAS AN UNSPORTSMANLIKE RUCKUS AFTER THE UTAH STATE GAME. BUT THE FANS WEREN’T AT FAULT
The tempers that flared — and went viral — in the aftermath of Utah State’s biggest win in over a decade did not have anything to do with the thousands of fans who rushed the court in celebration Saturday evening. That determination comes from the Mountain West Conference league office, which on Monday, issued a statement explaining that the situation in the hallways of the Dee Glen Smith Spectrum was due to “inappropriate conduct” from both programs in the postgame handshake line, and subsequently, in the locker room areas. The WC office said it reviewed video clips from various sources as well as a collection of written statements from individuals involved. The USU fans who stormed the court after the 81-76 win over then No. 12-ranked Nevada were not the root of the incidents that surfaced in expletive-laden videos posted late Saturday evening. The league will not sanction or fine either school, rather leaving it up each individual university to determine penalties for those involved.
Candidate #2: CONGRESSMAN KING AT IT AGAIN
The congressman from Iowa quote-tweeted Faith Goldy, a Canadian white nationalist who once recommended a book calling for the “elimination of Jews.” By Christopher Mathias and Roque Planas For the third time in less than a year, Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) has promoted an open white nationalist on Twitter. On Friday, the congressman quote-tweeted Faith Goldy, a Canadian white nationalist who has publicly recited the “14 words,” a white supremacist mantra, and who once recommended a book that calls for the “elimination of Jews.” Goldy also once appeared on a podcast produced by The Daily Stormer, a neo-Nazi website which advocates for gassing Jews. In that podcast, Goldy praised white supremacist figurehead Richard Spencer.
Candidate #3: I WAS JUST PLAYIN’ A JOKE ON OLE GRANDPA
A Wisconsin teen injected cow tranquilizers into his stepdad’s energy drinks in an attempt to be “funny” — and now he’s been moo-ved to an area jail.
Tyler Rabenhorst-Malone, 17, allegedly spiked his dairy farmer stepdad’s energy drink with a sedative used on cows giving birth. According to the criminal complaint, “the victim was left stumbling and suffering slurred speech, a droopy face, and heavy breathing.” Doctors concluded the symptoms were because of “stress, lack of sleep, and the victim’s consumption of energy drinks.” But when the symptoms returned, the stepdad concluded Rabenhorst-Malone was “messing with him” and stopped leaving his drinks unattended.
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