Boners

Boner Fight for May 22nd, 2018

BONER CANDIDATE #1: WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO DECENCY?

A Colorado man is facing federal charges after he allegedly harassed a female airline passenger and then urinated on the seat in front of him. Michael Allen Haag, of Boulder, was arrested Thursday night after his plane, Frontier Airlines flight 9864, landed in Charleston, South Carolina. He has been charged with a felony count of interfering with a flight crew and a misdemeanor charge of indecent exposure, according to the Charleston Post & Courier. An FBI affidavit obtained by The Smoking Gun states that Haag was drinking double vodka and tonics during the flight. Assigned a middle seat, Haag allegedly told a woman sitting next to him he was going to meet up with an old girlfriend in South Carolina and was “physically excited.” The woman told authorities Haag asked her lots of personal questions and kept staring at her chest and legs. At some point, Haag allegedly started touching a woman seated on the other side of him, prompting her to yell “stop touching me” and summon a flight attendant.

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BONER CANDIDATE #2: HYPOCRITICAL DOUCHE.

Incoming National Rifle Association president Oliver North is not wasting any time jumping into the gun control debate. On Sunday, two days after a 17-year-old killed 10 people at a Texas high school, the retired Marine made an appearance on “Fox News Sunday” to discuss the epidemic of school shootings. “The problem that we’ve got is that we’re trying like the dickens to treat the symptom without treating the disease,” North said. “And the disease, in this case, isn’t the second amendment. The disease is youngsters who are steeped in a culture of violence.” North continued: “Nearly all of these perpetrators are male, and they’re young teenagers in most cases, and they’ve come through a culture where violence is commonplace. All we need to do is turn on a TV, go to a movie.” Or power up a video game. North himself served as a pitchman for the type of first-person shooter video game that’s become a benchmark of the very “culture of violence” the new NRA head is now deploring. In 2012, North participated in the marketing of “Call of Duty: Black Ops II,” the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 game developed by Treyarch and published by Activision.

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