Boner Candidate #1: IT WAS DEMONS THAT KILLED HER.
A woman died in an attempted exorcism, murdered by her friend who believed he was expelling her demons. Worried neighbors contacted the police after hearing blood curdling scream from inside a residential apartment. The victim, Marceli Gottardo, was in her home with Bryan Souza, a friend she had known for about a month. The worried neighbor had attempted using the apartments intercom to check in on the noise. When the intercom call was picked up by Souza, the noise had briefly subsided. Minutes later, Souza exited the apartment, and asked another resident for help. The neighbor entered the apartment and discovered Gottardo convulsing on the floor. She was later pronounced dead at the location. Souza told police that he and Marceli had taken drugs earlier in the day, a claim supported by cocaine discovered at the scene. He then began to believe she was “possessed by demons”. He said this belief led him to attempt to “expel the demons”. Witnesses described visible injuries on Gottado’s body, exposing attempts at strangulation, facial trauma, and multiple bruises. A post-mortem examination determined her actual cause of death as intracranial hemorrhage and traumatic brain injury caused by severe blunt-force blows.
!!! WINNER !!!
Boner Candidate #2: IN THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION THERE IS A WATERGATE SCANDAL EVERY WEEK.
JD Vance was speaking at the Richard Nixon presidential library in California, to promote his new book, when he decided to declare his admiration for President Nixon. “If Watergate happened tomorrow, it would be a 12-hour news story,” the vice-president said during the discussion. “The idea that it would have taken down a presidency is crazy.” Of course referring to the career ending scandal where operatives, paid by Nixon, were caught burglarizing and planting listening devices in the Democratic National Committee headquarters. Vance continued, “If you look at the story of how the deep state took down Richard Nixon, it’s not all that different from what the same groups of people…tried to do to Donald Trump.” Trump was impeached twice during his first term, once for abusing his power to pressure Ukrain to investigate Joe Biden, and a second time for inflaming the mob that stormed the US Capitol on January 6. Despite the longstanding view that Watergate was a triumph of the American system for government accountability, the Trump administration seems to paint it as a conspiracy against conservatives. “Young senator. Vice-president. Writes some bestselling books. Is hated by the media,” Vance said. “It kind of sounds like JD Vance.”
Boner Candidate #3: WAKE UP! OUR CHRISTIAN VALUES ARE BEING THREATENED BY A BASEBALL CAP.
In celebration of Pride Night, every player for the Giants baseball team wore a rainbow logo on their cap during their match with the Cubs on Friday. Notably, three players, Landen Roupp, Ryan Walker and JT Brubaker, “protested” the pride night by adding bible verses to their caps. The Justice department quickly jumped into action, investigating the situation in the hopes of claiming that the players’ rights to religious expression were violated by forcing them to wear pride themed hats. Nothing came about from the investigation, because they were not required to wear the rainbow hat. They could have easily not participated. Adding to the list of the DoJ’s desperate attempts for evidence of a culture war against white men.
