Boners

Boner Fight for November 30th, 2020

Boner Candidate #1: WAY TO GO ART LOVERS

MOAB, Utah — After the suddenly world-famous “monolith” of unknown origin was removed by an unknown person or group late Friday night, the Bureau of Land Management addressed how the many people visiting it failed to follow some fundamental rules of recreating on public land. The installation itself, the BLM pointed out, was illegal — although they added that for some, it was “a welcome distraction from the 2020 news cycle.” However, the agency did not remove it or call for it to be removed, but was actually investigating where it came from when it vanished.

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Boner Candidate #2: CAN WE CHARGE THEM ALL WITH ATTEMPTED MANSLAUGHTER?

TAYLORSVILLE, Utah — Roughly 20 people gathered in Taylorsville Saturday to express their frustrations with Gov. Gary Herbert’s mask mandate. The protesters planned to walk through stores in the area without masks to protest their requirement. “I see some people with glass masks, [N95] masks, I see people with gas masks,” said Kish North, organizer of the demonstration. “No one has come out and said, ‘Hey, you have to wear this kind of mask,’ and make it a law. There’s no law! It’s a mandate. What is that?” Those participating, formed from the Concerned Citizens of Utah Facebook group, walked through a nearby Harmons and Walmart on Redwood Road.

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