Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for April 12th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: THIS MAY BE THE DUMBEST MOMENT IN CONGRESSIONAL HISTORY

Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY) may have studied robotics at MIT, but he is now responsible for one of the most asinine moments in congressional history. At a House committee hearing Tuesday on “The Need for Leadership to Combat Climate Change and Protect National Security,” the Kentucky Republican thought he could pwn former secretary of state John Kerry. Kerry is an expert on climate change who helped broker the Paris climate accord and recently criticized president Trump for proposing to set up a task force that seeks to counter the scientific consensus on climate change. Massie calls advocates of climate action “alarmists” and believes that the greenhouse gas carbon dioxide is “plant food.”

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Boner Candidate #2: WE THOUGHT WE WERE COMPLIMENTING THEM

Arielle Haspel, a Manhattan nutritionist with a sleek social media presence, wanted to open the kind of Chinese restaurant, she said, where she and her food-sensitive clients could eat. One where the lo mein wouldn’t make people feel “bloated and icky” the next day, or one where the food wasn’t “too oily” or salty, as she wrote in an Instagram post a few weeks ago. She chose a name for her new restaurant, Lucky Lee’s, that sounded stereotypically Chinese, even though she and her husband, Lee, are not Asian. She decorated the restaurant with bamboo and jade touches, and designed her logo with a chopstick-inspired font. And then, quite predictably, she was flamed on the internet for it. The uproar over Lucky Lee’s, which opened on Monday, has become the latest front in the debate over cultural appropriation and cultural arrogance, following controversies involving, among many others, Dolce & Gabbana and Miley Cyrus. In an interview on Thursday, Ms. Haspel said that she had good intentions, and that she was shocked when she was portrayed by critics on social media as the latest in a string of white restaurateurs who have promoted their Asian cuisine by labeling it as superior to food made by actual Asians.

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Boner Candidate #3: I WAS TRYING TO TEACH THEM A USEFUL SKILL

Police in Pennsylvania say a man used his girlfriend’s teenage daughters to sell marijuana, according to WNEP. Craig Lytle of Milton is facing multiple charges in the case. The girls involved are 15 and 13 years old. Parents tell WNEP they’re happy the police were able to put this operation to an end and hope the girls, who police are calling victims in the case, can recover. “Honestly, I hope they can talk to somebody and hope that they recognize this is not something that should be happening or being a part of, and hopefully, they can change things in a positive attitude and go in a different direction,” said Tiffani Derr of Milton. Police say Lytle was taken into custody without any trouble. Officers found one and a half pounds of marijuana in the apartment he shared with his girlfriend and her daughters. Last month, police in Milton took $1 million of drugs off the streets and took 22 people into custody during a drug ring bust in the borough.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: BAD BEHAVIOR IN THE AIR

An Alaska Airlines flight from San Francisco to Philadelphia was forced to divert, all thanks to a belligerent passenger who tried twice to light up inside the cabin. Passengers boarding Alaska Airlines’ red-eye flight 1138 in San Francisco were in for quite a surprise. Over halfway through the flight, they had to divert to Chicago. One of their fellow passengers tried to break one of the cardinal rules of modern air travel: do not smoke on airplanes. Then the passenger refused to comply with flight crew instructions by trying to light up a cigarette — again. About an hour before they were supposed to land in Philadelphia, pilots were forced to divert to O’Hare International Airport. “Due to a disruptive passenger onboard and out of an abundance of caution, the flight was diverted to Chicago and landed at 4:22 a.m. local time,” Alaska Airlines told CNN. Chicago Police say they were asked to meet the plane because of the cigarette-lighting passenger, who “was somewhat belligerent.”

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Boner Candidate #2: THIS TIME YOU’VE GONE TOO FAR.

YouTube prank star, arrested six times, has always skated free. Will a felony change that?

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Boner Candidate #3: YOUR WITTY COMMENTS HAVE LANDED YOU IN JAIL

A woman’s Facebook comments taunting local police ultimately led to her arrest. On March 27, the Greene County Sheriff’s Office in Pennsylvania posted an updated most wanted list to their Facebook page. Among those listed was Chloe Jones, wanted for simple assault. That’s when Jones decided to make a comment taunting officers. “Do you guys do pick up or delivery??” Jones wrote, followed by four crying-laughing emojis. After arguing with other commenters on Facebook, Jones revealed she was at a hospital in Morgantown, W.Va. In a Facebook post on Monday, Greene County Sheriff’s Office said Jones had been captured, taken into custody by police in Morgantown. “Ms. Chloe Jones and her witty comments are taking a hiatus from our Facebook comments section due to the jail not having internet for her to use,” wrote the sheriff’s office.

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