Boners

Boner of the Day for April 3rd, 2020

ROUND ONE

BONER CANDIDATE #1: VOLLEYBALL MUST CONTINUE

BONER CANDIDATE #2: ALL RIGHT, LADY…PULL IT OVER

Two Colorado cities have seen multiple reports of police impersonators conducting phony traffic stops related to the state’s coronavirus stay-at-home orders. According to the Fort Collins Police Department, a woman was pulled over March 26 by a man in a white van with red-and-blue lights on its windshield. The man never identified himself and said he “stopped her to verify that she was obeying the order to stay at home related to the COVID-19,” police said. The man asked for the woman’s driver’s license, insurance information and car registration and gave them back and let her go. The woman reported the incident after finding out the city’s police department wasn’t conducting coronavirus traffic stops. “Although we are still enforcing transit laws, we are not making transit stops related to COVID-19,” Fort Collins Assistant Police Chief John Feyen said in a statement. “Unfortunately, criminals in this country are taking advantage of this situation in many shapes.”   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #3: TWISTED LOGIC

The OU Medical Center in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma has confirmed that one of their nurses was “a victim of an act of violence.” Officials say the “alleged perpetrator believed that due the nurse’s role in healthcare, they were exposing the community to COVID-19.” OU Medicine sent the following joint statement on behalf of Jason Sanders, MD, MBA, OU Health Sciences Center and Chuck Spicer, FACHE, CEO, OU Medicine, Inc.: “Public health emergencies are stressful times for people and communities but unfortunately, today, one of our nurses was a victim of an act of violence in the community while on their way to work. The alleged perpetrator believed that due to the nurse’s role in healthcare, they were exposing the community to COVID-19…”   Read More

ROUND TWO

BONER CANDIDATE #1: I DIDN’T KNOW

Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp (R), while announcing a statewide stay-at-home order, said Wednesday that he only recently became aware the coronavirus could be spread by asymptomatic people. “The reason I’m taking this action, like I’ve continued to tell people, I’m following the data, I’m following the advice of Dr. [Kathleen] Toomey,” Kemp said in response to a reporter’s question at a press conference announcing the order. “Finding out that this virus is now transmitting before people see signs, so what we’ve been telling people from directives from the CDC [Centers for Disease Control and Prevention] for weeks now that if you start feeling bad, stay home … those individuals could’ve been infecting people before they ever felt bad,” he added. “But we didn’t know that until the last 24 hours. And as Dr. Toomey told me, this is a game changer for us.”   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #2: PLEASE DON’T VOTE, SO WE CAN WIN THE ELECTION

As much fun as it would be to pile on Georgia’s governor, Brian (Asymptomatic) Kemp—dude, if you were unclear about things, the CDC is in Atlanta—there’s more mischief down in Georgia that we should take a look at, too. For example, Georgia Republicans are busily saying the quiet parts out loud. From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution: All 6.9 million active voters in Georgia are being mailed absentee ballot request forms this week by the secretary of state’s office. Voters who return the absentee ballot request forms will be able to participate in the primary without having to come into contact with other people on election day or during early voting. “This will be extremely devastating to Republicans and conservatives in Georgia,” Ralston, a Republican from Blue Ridge, said during an interview with FetchYourNews, a North Georgia news site. “Every registered voter is going to get one of these. … This will certainly drive up turnout.”…   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #3: OMG, THEY CLOSED THE SHOOTING RANGE!

The Utah Division of Wildlife Resources’ two public shootings ranges will be closed on Friday and remain that way indefinitely. The division said they chose to shutter the shooting ranges — the Lee Kay Public Shooting Range in Salt Lake City and the Cache Valley Public Shooting range in Logan — to stop the spread of coronavirus. The change comes after visitors to the range hadn’t been adhering to social distancing guidelines, according to a news release.   Read More


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