ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: I’M FROM THE FBA
A maskless woman claiming to be from the ‘Freedom to Breathe Agency’ was filmed falsely informing a grocery store worker in California that she could be prosecuted for telling customers they must wear face masks. In a now viral video, the woman – since identified as Lenka Koloma – is heard saying she’s at the store on behalf of the bogus agency to make sure ‘People’s constitutional rights, civil and federal laws are not broken.’ The exchange occurred on Friday afternoon in Orange County, when supervisor Liz Chavez, 31, was informed by one of her colleagues that two women were in the store without masks on, in violation of its COVID-19 policy. Chavez says she approached Koloma and her associate to inform them that ‘in order to be inside the store you’re required to wear a mask.’ ‘They told me, “No we’re not required to wear a mask,” Chavez recounted to Buzzfeed News. The two women – wielding a clipboard and wearing badges that said ‘FTBA’ – identified themselves as being from the ‘Freedom to Breathe Agency’ and then handed Chavez a piece of paper stating that she could be sued for forcing customers to wear masks. ‘You personally need to take this to your manager because you personally can be sued for this, OK?’ Koloma is heard saying in the video. ‘You are putting yourself into major legal liability — you personally,’ she continued.
Boner Candidate #2: HIS SNOUT DID NOT BELONG IN THE YELLOW BAG
BERLIN – At a lake in Berlin on Wednesday, where Germans are known to bask and bathe in the buff, a middle-aged nude man found himself at the center of a ridiculous scene — chasing down a wild boar while his buns flapped in the wind. According to Adele Landauer, another visitor to Teufelssee — that’s “Devil’s Lake” in English — a boar and her two piglets had been perusing the shore in search of snacks. After reportedly consuming a stash of leftover pizza from the backpack of another tourist, who was swimming in the lake at the time, the pig posse moved on to the bright yellow bag, which they surely thought had food inside. What happened next was pure mayhem. “Nature strikes back!” Landauer wrote on Facebook, translated from German, alongside photos depicting the naked man running after the swine as smiling onlookers watched. “In the yellow bag is the man’s laptop, so he gave it his all in Adam’s costume,” she said, adding that the man had “laughed loudly” at the images, and authorized her to post them on social media.
Boner Candidate #3: A BET IS A BET
SEOUL, South Korea – A South Korean YouTuber shocked fans after losing a bet with viewers that required him to set his crotch on fire. The YouTuber, Shin Tae Il, also known as the “angry Korean gamer,” made a bet with one of his viewers through a live broadcast on Aug. 6. The deal: If he didn’t come in first place in the game Fall Guys, he’d set his private parts on fire for five seconds. Of course, he doesn’t win. The result was Tae Il returning to the camera in only his underwear. He then proceeds to pour lighter fluid on his crotch. After bringing the lighter to his underwear, he sets himself on fire. As soon as the flames begin to increase, he yells out in pain and runs out of the camera frame. He stayed on the floor moaning and says he is in a lot of pain. (Obviously.) He then sits down in a chair holding what appears to be a cold compress to his genitals before ending the stream. Many viewers, of course, were shocked he went through with the dangerous dare. Tae Il later told fans that he went to the hospital for treatment and suffered second-degree burns, according to allkpop.
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: WE’RE ALL FOR FREE SPEECH AS LONG AS IT DOESN’T AFFECT THE PROPERTY VALUES.
Saying things like “Black lives matter” and “police brutality is bad” continues to be controversial, as some folks would prefer to just stick their heads in the sand and not acknowledge issues that they assume don’t impact them directly. It’s already disappointing enough when a person decides to stay quiet themselves, but it’s another entirely when they demand others to keep their calls for equality private as well. One Oregon family recently discovered their neighbors are very much the demanding type. Divya Kumar shared a photo earlier this week of a sign her teen sister had painted on the front window of their house, saying “Silence Supports Police Violence,” alongside hands of various skin tones. She also posted pictures of a letter sent to them by neighbors, asking that they remove the sign because they think it’s driving down property values. It’s clear from the very opening that these neighbors aren’t remotely interested in anything other than getting their way. “We, your neighbors, appreciate that you have a strong political and social justice viewpoint and wish to communicate that to others via [your] window sign,” the letter begins. “The first amendment gives you that right. We believe you’ve made your point.
Boner Candidate #2: THIS IS THE SCHOOL THAT SUSPENDED HANNAH WATTERS
A high school in Georgia that shot to national attention this week, after photos of the packed school corridors with mask-less students went viral, has announced that it is temporarily switching its lessons to online-only. North Paulding High School confirmed six new cases among students and three infections of staff members, less than a week after school resumed. On Sunday Brian Otott, Paulding County Schools Superintendent, said that the school would be closed on Monday and lessons would be online. In a letter to parents, Otott said Monday and Tuesday will be used to clean and disinfect the school. Parents will learn Tuesday evening if in-person classes can resume later in the week. ‘Hopefully we can all agree that the health and safety of our students and staff takes precedence over any other considerations at this time,’ said Otott in his letter, which was obtained by Atlanta-area news outlets. One of the students who took the viral photos, Hannah Watters, 15, was initially suspended over posting the images. The school later reversed its decision on Watters’ suspension.
Boner Candidate #3: I’M PRETTY SURE HE’S OUR MAN
Johnstown, PA — Perhaps it was the hot pink tank top allegedly stuffed with women’s wear, but the public has helped police ID an accused lingerie thief at a Pa. Walmart. As WJAC-TV in Johnstown reports, photos of the suspect posted by Richland Township Police have quickly led to the suspect’s ID – and to charges against the man who was not immediately named. The suspect accused of stealing women’s lingerie from the Walmart near Johnstown on Monday evening was featured on Cambria County CrimeWatch. Police issued thanks to the community for their assistance in nabbing the accused nightgown napper.
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