Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for August 3, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: THAT IS MUCUS

A Chicago Dunkin Donuts employee was arrested and faces charges for allegedly spitting into an Illinois state trooper’s coffee. Illinois State Police said Vincent J. Sessler, 25, of Chicago, was arrested and charged Friday with disorderly conduct, reckless conduct, and battery to a peace officer following the incident which occurred the previous night. Police said that the unnamed Illinois State Trooper had gone to the Dunkin’ Donuts Thursday at about 10.20pm to buy a large cup of black coffee, according to CBS 2 Chicago. Former Dunkin’ Donuts employee Vincent J. Sessler, 25, was charged after allegedly spitting into the coffee that was served to an Illinois State Trooper on Thursday night. The trooper removed the cup’s lid in an effort to cool down the very hot coffee.  That was when he saw a ‘large, thick piece of mucus’ floating in the coffee, police said. During the investigation, the mucus was confirmed to be saliva. Sessler, an employee at the Dunkin’ Donuts, was arrested Friday at 12.49pm.

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Boner Candidate #2: YOU THINK THAT HURTS? I’LL SHOW HURTS.

A Provo, Utah, dentist was arrested Wednesday on charges of child abuse after witnesses told police he forced a child to have dental x-rays without asking for parental consent. The probable cause statement said Blake Matthews was treating a child during a dental appointment when he forcibly held down the uncooperative youngster for x-rays. He is also accused of grabbing the child’s face to force open the mouth to insert x-ray films without consulting the child’s parents or asking them for assistance.

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Boner Candidate #3: RACISM IS ALWAYS A GOOD CALL AT A FUND-RAISER.

The US Navy is investigating videos purportedly shot during a 2019 fundraiser at The National Navy SEAL Museum in Florida, showing a demonstration where K-9 dogs attacked a man wearing a Colin Kaepernick football jersey.  The videos, which have since been removed, were posted on Instagram in January 2019 and feature a man called Josh, acting as a target for several dogs. The clips were apparently shot at a Navy Seal Museum fundraising event in January 2019 in Fort Pierce, Florida.

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: OKAY, YOU’RE SORRY. NOW TELL US WHO DID IT AND BANISH THEM FOREVER.

The Highland High School principal and interim Salt Lake City School District superintendent both apologized Saturday for what they called hate speech printed in the school’s recently released yearbooks. The yearbooks were released Friday, and when students opened them, they found a senior quote that said, “There are two genders and a lot of mental illnesses,” FOX13 reported.

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Boner Candidate #2: AHHHH, COME ON. CAN’T WE JUST WISE UP PEOPLE?

Park rangers at Zion National Park are asking anyone with information about the people who painted sandstones in the northwest corner of the park to come forward. Officials said that a day or two before July 8 vandals painted blue squares in an area about a mile south of the Wildcat trailhead in the Kolob Terrace area. The squares measure 3 feet by 3 feet and officials think the graffiti is part of a “masonry or art project,” according to a news release.

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Boner Candidate #3:

oms River, NJ — A Toms River homeowner was cited by the township after renting out the house’s pool for a gathering of 85 children, authorities said. The town received multiple complaints and began an investigation into the homeowner’s actions that resulted in code enforcement officers witnessing the alleged incident on July 16 at an unidentified home in the North Dover section of town, according to a post on the town’s Facebook page.

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