Boners

Boner of the Day for August 5, 2020

BONER ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: THEY LOOKED DANGEROUS

Officers said the SUV’s plates indicated it was actually a stolen motorcycle. Police in Aurora, Colorado, detained and handcuffed a Black mother and four children at gunpoint Sunday after mistakenly identifying the SUV she was driving as a stolen motorcycle. Video of the incident shared by witness Jenni Wurtz shows Brittany Gilliam and four children, including her sister, two nieces and 6-year-old daughter, lying face down on the asphalt in a strip mall parking lot, surrounded by officers.

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Boner Candidate #2: PRETTY HARD FOR THE TRUMP WALL TO STOP THAT

On July 20 at approximately 5:30 am local time, Border Patrol agents assigned to the Rio Grande City Station observed a pickup truck near the Rio Grande in Fronton. The vehicle was spotted parking near a new wall construction site. Several individuals were seen loading items onto the back of the truck and then proceeded toward Highway 83. The vehicle turned east and began traveling toward Roma, Texas. Agents initiated a traffic stop on a yellow and black Ford F-250.

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Boner Candidate #3: ACCIDENTS HAPPEN

Following an investigation, Italian police have identified the culprit who vandalized a 200-year-old statue in a Rome Museum — and it turns out he didn’t do it on purpose. The unidentified 50-year-old man, who was visiting Italy from Austria, says he was only trying to pose for a photo with the Antonio Canova sculpture of Paolina Bonaparte when he grabbed a hold of one of its feet and accidentally snapped off its toes, according to authorities.

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BONER ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: I CAUGHT HIM “MID-SQUAT”

Sharon Smith caught the Amazon delivery driver mid-squat in her garden. Amazon has sacked a delivery driver after a horrified neighbour caught him pooing in her garden. NHS counsellor Sharon Smith, 53, said she was cooking in her kitchen when a van pulled up outside her home. A man ran from the vehicle towards her garden and she followed him, suspecting he could be stealing some wood. But the mum-of-two caught the man mid-squat defecating on her property among the trees, and promptly called the police.

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Boner Candidate #2: FEED THE BIRDS; THE EXTREME EDITION

A Big Apple birdbrain tied bagels to his body and offered himself up as brunch to a hungry horde of pigeons, video posted online Tuesday shows. “Alright, come on birds,” the man says as his guests are already feasting. The unidentified dough boy strung was being filmed for what appeared to be a video stunt.

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Boner Candidate #3: JERRY JR. BETTER GET RIGHT WITH GOD

Jerry Falwell Jr., the head of Liberty University and a leading voice for evangelical Christians, shared and then deleted a strange picture of himself with his pants open. The image appears to be from a party on a yacht themed to the cult-comedy TV show “Trailer Park Boys,” with Falwell dressed as the hard-drinking character Julian.

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