ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: BOTH PATIENTS ARE IN RECOVERY AND DOING WELL.
CAMDEN, New Jersey — A hospital in New Jersey is acknowledging a transplant mixup but this does have a fortunate ending. Officials at Virtua Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital say that on November 18 a 51-year-old patient underwent a successful kidney transplant. However, that organ was supposed to go to a priority patient that actually had the same name and was a similar age. Upon becoming aware of the error, Virtua voluntarily reported it to the Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network and the New Jersey Department of Health. The hospital says that the second patient did receive a successful transplant six days later. Both transplant patients are doing well. Read More
Boner Candidate #2: MY SECRET DINNER WITH TRUMP
Mark Zuckerberg is many things, but an eloquent and reasoned defender of secret meetings with the world’s most powerful is not one of them. The most awkward man in tech for some reason recently decided to sit for an interview with CBS’s morning news co-host Gayle King to discuss, along with his wife Priscilla Chan, the duo’s Chan-Zuckerberg Initiative. Segments of the interview, more of which will be broadcast on Dec. 3, are peppered with what we have come to know as classic Zuckerberg moments. That is to say, the CEO stammered as he attempted, and failed, to convincingly defend controversial actions such as a recent hush-hush dinner with Donald Trump. Read More
Boner Candidate #3: HEY, WHERE DID THE SLIDE GO?
MILTON, Mass. (AP) — Authorities say no one was hurt when an evacuation slide fell from an airliner into the yard of a suburban Boston home. A company spokeswoman confirms to the Boston Herald that the uninflated slide fell from a Delta Air Lines flight from Paris inbound to Boston’s Logan International Airport at about noon Sunday. The Federal Aviation Administration says the pilot reported a loud noise as the plane approached Logan and landed safely. Police in Milton south of Boston alerted the FAA that the slide had been found in a resident’s yard. Wenhan Huang tells The Patriot Ledger he was doing yard work when the slide took out several branches of his Japanese maple. His neighbor, Stephanie Leguia, was feet from where the slide fell and fears it could have killed someone. Read More
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ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: BUTT CHUGGIN SUNLIGHT WERE YA JOSH?
Last year we thought we’d hit peak wellness guru when a proponent of the Paleo diet told hundreds of thousands of followers that staring into the Sun is one of the “best forms of free medicine” rather than something that could make you go blind, and Instagram influencers were advocating the “breatharian” diet. But we were wrong. Peak wellness culture – as a new viral Instagram post has informed us – is butt-chugging sunlight in order to gain energy. An Instagrammer who goes by the name Metaphysicalmeagan, and describes herself as an ascension wayshower, mermaid mystic, healer, teacher, and reverse aging adept caused a stir on the Internet when she uploaded a post of herself stretching naked in the sunlight in a pose reminiscent of a particularly stressful gynecological exam that took place on some sort of nature trail. Apparently she was practicing the ancient art of “perineum sunning”. Read More
Boner Candidate #2: SWIMMING IN THE SKIP
Prisoners have lost their jobs in a workshop, after a recent incident involving getting drunk and assaulting a prison guard. The staff member was uninjured but one of the prisoners was so intoxicated he needed medical treatment. The inmates were meant to be working in the engineering workshop at Christchurch Men’s Prison, where their tasks included filling skips with water to check for holes. Chief custodial officer Neil Beales said they were found climbing in and out of a skip on 29 October. They were drunk on home-brew, which can be made from fermenting fruit and sugar. “A staff member who came to assist was assaulted by a prisoner but no injuries were sustained. This matter has been referred to police,” Mr Beales said. The prisoner who required medical treatment returned to the site the next day. Apart from the home-brew no other contraband was found. Read More
Boner Candidate #3: WHAT ELSE WAS SHE TO DO
SANDY SPRINGS, Ga. — Police say a Georgia woman fired a gun into a KFC after learning her order lacked napkins and a fork. News outlets report 33-year-old Jonelle Jade Dare was arrested Tuesday in Sandy Springs, Georgia, on an outstanding warrant from Shelbyville, Kentucky, where’s she’s accused of shooting into the restaurant drive-thru window. Shelbyville police say Dare visited a local KFC in October and was verbally abusive to drive-thru staff, who reported Dare was angry over not getting a fork or napkin with her meal. Police say Dare fired a handgun into the drive-thru window and sped off in a white Mercedes-Benz. No one was wounded in the shooting. Dare appeared in court Wednesday and waived the right to fight her extradition to Kentucky. It’s unclear if she has a lawyer. Read More
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