ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: YELLING ON A SCALE OF 9 OUT OF 10.
On Wednesday, a DoorDash driver was arrested at a restaurant in American Fork because he refused to wear a mask and caused a scene, yelling as loud as “a 9 on a scale of 1-10.”
Boner Candidate #2: I DIDN’T WANT TO LOSE IT.
Police stopped a man in Orem because his headlight was out and quickly discovered that he had several warrants. As he was being searched, officers found a decayed finger wrapped in a cloth inside the man’s wallet.
Boner Candidate #3: COME ON. IT’S OKAY ‘CAUSE I SAW IT ON NETFLIX.
A Florida man was arrested after he was pulled over for driving an unregistered truck and then admitted to police that he had magic mushrooms because he “saw them in a show on Netflix and wanted to try them.”
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: SORRY…YOU ARE OUT.
A transgender student at BYU was notified at her recent voice therapy appointment that the campus speech clinic would be ending all gender-affirming speech therapies because the service doesn’t align with LDS faith.
Boner Candidate #2: PUT HIM IN JAIL IMMEDIATELY. WELL, HAVE A TRIAL THEN PUT HIM IN JAIL.
Arizona Republican candidate for senator, Jim Lamon, released a western themed campaign ad that showed him shooting at actors that portrayed Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi.
Boner Candidate #3: I THINK THIS IS ILLEGAL.
Students at a high school in West Virginia staged a walkout after they were told to attend an assembly where they were instructed to raise their arms in prayer and “give their lives over to Jesus”.
