Boners

Boner of the Day for January 25, 2021

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: IT WAS GOING TO GO BAD

A Texas doctor has been fired and criminally charged after he was accused of stealing a vial of the COVID-19 vaccine to give shots to friends and relatives. Authorities allege that Dr. Hasan Gokal, who worked for Harris County Public Health, stole a vial containing nine doses of the Moderna vaccine while working at a vaccination site at Lyndsay Lyons Park, in Humble, on December 29. The theft was reportedly discovered after Gokal bragged about it to a co-worker the following week, who then reported him to supervisors. Prosecutors later determined that Gokal, 48, had used the vial to give the vaccine to nine different people, including his wife. ‘He abused his position to place his friends and family in line in front of people who had gone through the lawful process to be there,’ said Harris County District Attorney Kim Ogg.

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Boner Candidate #2: YOU’RE TRYING TO MAKE ME OUT TO BE SOME KIND OF MONEY GRUBBING AMBULANCE CHASER

Rudy Giuliani has admitted that his associate emailed Trump campaign officials requesting he be paid $20,000 per day to dispute the results of the November election. Giuliani, who is one of Trump’s personal lawyers, has previously denied demanding money for his legal services, saying he wanted to help the prove claims of electoral fraud free of charge. However, in a phone conversation with The New York Times on Friday, the 74-year-old conceded that his associate, Maria Ryan, had sent an email to at least three Trump campaign officials on November 4 demanding payment. Giuliani told the publication that he was as ‘unaware’ that the email was sent as he was ‘out of town’ at the time.

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Boner Candidate #3: I NEED MY SPECIAL SOCKS

SALT LAKE CITY — A federal judge has rejected a request to remove an ankle monitoring device for a defendant in a massive fraud case involving a member of the Kingston polygamous family — so she can wear certain socks. Sally Kingston’s request was denied in an order on Friday by U.S. District Court Judge Jill Parrish. “In the absence of evidence demonstrating that Sally Kingston may not wear the required socks underneath her ankle monitor, the court DENIES her motion to modify the conditions of her release,” Judge Parrish wrote. It is unknown exactly why Kingston wants her ankle monitoring device removed. Her attorneys filed the request under seal, meaning it is not publicly accessible. However, the U.S. Attorney’s Office for Utah responded publicly in its own filing and said “Defendant seeks to have her ankle monitor removed because her ankle monitor interferes with her ability to wear certain socks.”

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ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: I LIKE MOON PIES AND I LIVE AT THE UPS STORE

The Villages, FL — A woman who lists a UPS store in The Villages as her home address was arrested after the alleged theft of a Moon Pie and other food products at a Circle K. Leah Marie Hodges, 23, who claims the UPS store on Bella Cruz Drive is her home address, was arrested after allegedly stealing a Moon Pie, two double cheeseburgers, bacon-and-cheddar potato skins, a 42-ounce Polar Pop drink and other food items at about 3 a.m. Sunday at a Circle K in Leesburg, according to an arrest report from the Leesburg Police Department.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE LOWEST OF THE LOW

Former Make-A-Wish Iowa CEO Jennifer Woodley is charged with first-degree theft and unauthorized use of a credit card. Polk County Jail via AP. The former CEO of Make-A-Wish Iowa was busted Thursday for allegedly embezzling tens of thousands of dollars meant to help sick and dying children, authorities said. Jennifer Woodley, 40, was charged with first-degree theft and the unauthorized use of a credit card for the months-long theft that began in the summer of 2019, according to a criminal complaint. Woodley became president of the Iowa chapter in August 2019. Two months later, she granted herself a $10,000 bonus that wasn’t approved by the group’s board, the complaint states. She is also accused of using the organization’s credit card to spend $23,000 on herself during a 10-month span, without reimbursing the group.

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Boner Candidate #3: I WONDERED WHERE MY STUFF WAS GOING

Queensland, Australia — A terrified mom found a stranger had been living in her roof for three weeks after spotting objects mysteriously moving in her house. Monica Green, from Rockhampton in Queensland, Australia, noticed something was amiss when she saw things were out of place in her home. Soon after, the mom-of-three found her security camera system had been disabled. At first Green dismissed her concerns – but after returning home from a doctor’s appointment on Monday she knew something was wrong.

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