ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: BACON BLOW UP AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE.
A Florida man was arrested after throwing a tantrum over his bacon at Waffle House.
Boner Candidate #2: I’M PRETTY SURE THIS ISN’T ‘ALLEGED’ RACISM.
The Alpine School District is beginning an investigation after a video was posted of students blatantly bullying a black student for his race on a school bus.
Boner Candidate #3: WE WON’T HIRE YOU IF YOU HAVE THAT MANY PERIODS.
A woman on Twitter found out that she accidently sent data from her period tracker to almost 60 job applications for over a year.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: DON’T MIND LIAM, HE’S JUST REALLY TIRED.
Police in Ireland are investigating claims that a dead man was brought to a post office by someone attempting to collect his pension.
Boner Candidate #2: NOBODY’S GONNA HYPNOTIZE ERIC ‘F’N’ CLAPTON THAT’SFOR DAMNED SURE.
Eric Clapton compared vaccine and covid-19 PSAs to “mass formation psychosis.”
Boner Candidate #3: TUCKER CARLSON IN THE POCKET OF THE ROOSKIS.
With tensions rising as Russia gathers troops on the Ukrainian border, Tucker Carlson sided with Russia by asking “why is it disloyal to side with Russia but loyal to side with Ukraine?” His thinking was that Ukraine has zero strategical significance to the U.S.
