ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: YOU’RE JUST CREATING A NEW CROP OF MUCUS.
A new TikTok trend has people shoving garlic cloves up their nose because it seems to help decongest their sinuses. Doctors say it makes congestion worse.
Boner Candidate #2: NOT FUNNY.
Police in Hurricane say that someone swapped street signs overnight, causing confusion for drivers.
Boner Candidate #3: BUT I’M BRANDON; THAT’S MY NAME, GOL DARN IT.
NASCAR is rejecting a new sponsor called LGBcoin for racer Brandon Brown.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: DANG IF HE DIDN’T LOOK HALF BAD.
A Florida man has been arrested after he robbed two gas stations while dressed as a woman.
Boner Candidate #2: PANTS THE REF! PANTS THE REF!
Rep. Jeremy Faison is apologizing after he was filmed attempting to pull a referee’s pants down at his son’s high school basketball game.
Boner Candidate #3: I TRIED TO CALM THE CROWD BY YELLING ‘TIME’S UP MOTHER F’ers’.
Jacob Chansley is claiming that he was trying to help calm the crowd during the January 6th insurrection.
