Boners

Boner of the Day for January 9th, 2019

ROUND ONE

BONER CANDIDATE #1: I’M DROPPING THE CHARGES AGAINST MYSELF

Christian Eugene Mosco came up with what appeared to be a sure fire way to win his criminal case in which he was accused of threatening or extorting Jon Hall Chevrolet, a report said. Mosco declined to file criminal charges against himself, the report said. Only problem is Mosco can’t do that, for at least two very important reasons. First, he is the person charged with the crime, and second, Mosco is not a prosecutor, or even a lawyer. Mosco, 47, is now facing a slew of additional felony charges that could send him to prison for decades, including impersonating a prosecutor and practicing law without a license. Mosco is listed as a transient in an arrest report but his current home is the Volusia County Branch Jail, where he is being held without bail. Those charges are on top of the second-degree felony Mosco was already charged with of threats or extortion after investigators said he emailed Jon Hall Chevrolet in Daytona Beach in May 2019 and demanded $50,000 and a 2019 Chevy Malibu in exchange for not revealing two years-worth of sales-records containing customer’s Social Security numbers.   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #2: THE DRUNK FIREFIGHTER

A Louisiana firefighter was so drunk last weekend that he crashed his car into a ditch and tried pulling it out with a firetruck that he essentially stole from a nearby fire station, authorities said. Craig Trippi Jr. crashed his Honda Civic on a highway near Baton Rouge around 2 a.m. Saturday, but he managed to walk to the District 9 Fire Department in Maurepas, hop into a firetruck and drive it back to the scene, the Livingston Parish Sheriff’s Office said in a news release Tuesday. The intoxicated driver then attached a fire hose to both vehicles in an attempt to dislodge the wrecked sedan from the ditch, according to the release. His plan did not work out and he was sitting in the middle of the road when deputies arrived at the scene. Authorities said the man damaged the firetruck during his bizarre rescue attempt.   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #3: YES YOU ARE

LaVerkin Police arrested a woman Tuesday after she was accused of swapping a 93-year-old woman’s Oxycodone pills with acetaminophen and keeping the Oxycodone for herself. Rya Chalease Plumb, 27, faces a felony charge of intentional aggravated abuse of an elder adult and misdemeanor charges of theft, possession of a controlled substance and failure to keep a controlled substance in its original container. According to a probable cause statement, the elderly woman reported Plumb had been visiting her every 2-3 weeks. “She stated Rya is a church member and that’s why she comes to visit,” the probable cause statement said. “She advised every time Rya comes to visit she goes into her bathroom as soon as she gets there.” Plumb also offered to pick up the elderly woman’s prescriptions from the pharmacy, the probable cause statement said. The alleged victim told police her medications had become less effective and she was in so much pain that she broke down crying.   Read More

ROUND TWO

BONER CANDIDATE #1: THUNDER THIGHS

Sebastian Gorka called climate change activist Greta Thunberg, who turned 17 this week, “thunder thighs” on his radio show. The former White House adviser was speaking to writer Andrew Klavan on his radio show America First with Sebastian Gorka about Covington Catholic High School student Nick Sandmann, who agreed to a settlement with CNN after the network disparaged him in January 2019. The conversation then turned to the Swedish teenager. “You know, these are people who will defend Greta Thuns — whatever her name,” responded Klavan. “What is her name? Greta Thunberg?” Gorka scoffed: “Thunder thighs.”   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #2: A POUND OF MEAT IS A POUND OF MEAT

What started out as a gross lunch could turn into a serious medical problem. A woman claims she bit into a slug that was inside a sandwich she purchased from a deli in Hawaii. Chaunda Rodrigues bought two sandwiches from Island Naturals in Hilo last week, Hawaii News Now reported. She says she bit into the slug, unaware that it was in the sandwich. Rodrigues confirmed to Fox News that the slug was turned in to the Jarvi lab, at the Daniel K. Inouye College of Pharmacy in Hawaii, for testing. The results indicated that it was positive for rat lungworm, a parasite that can infect humans if ingested. “I just want everyone to be aware of the seriousness of rat lungworm and hope the state department of health does more to prevent more people — locals and tourists — from being infected by the parasite,” Rodrigues told Fox News. “There is no recommended prophylactic treatment. I only went to the ER and insisted they treat me because of the local community telling me to take it now before the parasites get to my brain.” According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), symptoms for rat lungworm can include nausea, headache, vomiting, a low fever and painful skin sensations.   Read More

BONER CANDIDATE #3: WHY DON’T YOU THANK ME FOR ME SERVICE?

Everyone hates people who don’t tip, and everyone hates people who have self-congratulatory reasons for not tipping even more. You’re not sticking it to the restaurant’s company policies or the US tipping system, only whichever poor person was unlucky enough to have to serve you for less than minimum wage that day. That said, this has to be one of the biggest stretches someone has made for a reason as to why they think they’re above having to tip. Someone posted this picture of a receipt on which one such customer voiced her frustrations, complete with the favorite emoticon of passive-aggressive note-writers everywhere, =), that she didn’t get her entire bill comped as thanks for doing “the toughest job in the military”: being a military spouse.   Read More


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