Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for July 30th, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: DEAL WITH YOURSELF OFFICER.

An Indiana sheriff’s office employee who accused McDonald’s workers of munching down on his sandwich before wrapping it up has recanted after remembering that the alleged hamburglar was him all along. The unidentified Marion County Jail worker bought the chicken sandwich and a small fries last week from a restaurant in Indianapolis. He said when he went to warm up his meal later, he noticed “several small bites,” according to WTHR. He said he went back to the restaurant and confronted the manager, who offered him free food, which he declined. “I just wanted to find out who the person was and if they could deal with that person in an appropriate way,” he told WTHR. His accusation prompted the Marion County Sheriff’s Office to investigate, and the story began to unravel. The sheriff’s office says the officer has since apologized to the McDonald’s, explaining in a statement how the mix-up apparently happened: “The employee took a bite out of the sandwich upon starting his shift at the Marion County Jail, then placed it in the refrigerator in a break room. He returned nearly seven hours later having forgotten that he had previously bitten the sandwich. He wrongly concluded that a McDonald’s restaurant employee had tampered with his food because he is a law enforcement officer.”     Read More

Boner Candidate #2: THE BROWNING OF AMERICA.

A Republican state senator from Arizona apologized Friday for her remarks on research relating to the “browning” of America and for saying that “we’re going to look like South American countries very quickly.” Sen. Sylvia Allen faced backlash after the Phoenix New Times published an audio recording of her speech during an event commemorating “Mormon Political Pioneers” at the Arizona Republican Party headquarters in Phoenix on July 15. The comments come as migrants are arriving at the southern border in large numbers to seek asylum and amid a national debate on immigration and racism. President Donald Trump recently tweeted about a group of minority Democratic congresswomen, saying they should “go back” to where they came from. They are United States citizens, and three of the four were born in the country. During her 25-minute speech, Allen, who did not immediately respond to requests for comment, spoke about her family’s deep roots in the country, her passion for liberty, as well as her commitment to religious freedom. She also voiced concern about the large number of immigrants “just flooding us and flooding us and flooding us and overwhelming us.” In her apology, Allen defended her “browning” comments, attributing them to research by James Johnson, a professor at the University of North Carolina Kenan-Flagler Business School, and later posted a link on her Facebook page to a slide show of his research.     Read More

Boner Candidate #3: I KNOW KIDS! I WAS A NANNY!

Mario Lopez says he doesn’t understand parents letting their children transition genders. Lopez, 45, appeared on The Candace Owens Show last month, and the two spoke about what Owens described as a ‘weird trend’ coming out of Hollywood, citing Charlize Theron’s upbringing of her seven-year-old daughter Jackson, who identifies as a transgender girl. Owens shared her own personal experience with kids to illustrate her point. ‘Even though I’m not a parent, I nannied for five years of my life and the things that come out of children’s mouths – they say whatever in the moment, you don’t know what they’ve seen on TV what got in there ear,’ she said. ‘I’ve had children say they were mermaids, I’ve had children say they could fly – and jump off a staircase and thank God I caught him, right, cause he thought he could be Superman. Owens drew upon her five years of experience as a nanny to lend her expertise to the topic matter.     Read More

Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: STELLA AND THE SHOW GOAT.

The Turnbulls have had to figure out a lot of things when it comes to caring for their daughter, Stella. The 12-year-old was born with the children’s version of ALS and she was only given a month to live. So, when she told her parents she wanted to show goats, it was just one more challenge to overcome. The solution was a platform next to her motorized wheelchair for the goat to put its front legs on. While Stella can’t groom or feed her goat, Lou, she had to train her to use the platform and walk with her. Stella has had early success, winning her first competition at the Southern Iowa Fair. Her parents say they were just happy she was there. “To see her out there on her own doing something she loves to do is priceless. She speaks with her eyes, and when she came out of there her eyes were bright and she was very proud, and it just makes us proud as parents,” said Travis, her father. But not everyone was as supportive. After Stella’s win, her parents received an anonymous letter suggesting Stella didn’t do enough work to show a goat, and that her parents should be “ashamed.” But it was one particular line that upset the family the most. “It said, ‘you need to quit trying to make your daughter normal,’ and what is normal? To us you need to just go out and do your best. If nothing else, it just motivates me even more to make sure she can do everything that everyone else can do.”     Read More

Boner Candidate #2: MISSILE LAUNCHER HUH? WELL, BE ON YOUR WAY.

TSA agents discovered a missile launcher inside a checked bag at Baltimore/Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport on Monday. The potentially deadly weapon was found inside a bag belonging to an active duty serviceman returning home from Kuwait. Upon stumbling across the launcher, TSA agents rushed to contact airport police to help find the serviceman. Located at his departure gate, the unnamed military man was detained for questioning. The traveler was on his way back home to Jacksonville, Texas, according to TSA officials. ‘He wanted to keep the missile launcher as a souvenir,’ the officials said. ‘Military weapons are not permitted in checked or carry-on bags,’ the agency added in its released statement. A TSA spokeswoman did not have additional information on the traveler. The launcher was not found to be live and was confiscated. TSA agents turned over the launcher to Maryland state fire marshals for disposal and the passenger ‘was permitted to catch his flight,’ said officials at the agency.     Read More

Boner Candidate #3: BECAUSE WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU DO?

A Georgia woman reportedly barged into a McDonald’s restaurant kitchen and fired a shot into the floor after complaining that her fries were cold. According to WTOC, the manager at the McDonald’s on August Drive in Garden City had gone back to get the woman some new fries when she followed behind with a gun. The woman had left the McDonald’s restaurant by the time Garden City Police arrived at around 2.45 p.m. on Monday afternoon. But they later stopped her car and arrested her. Garden City Police did not respond immediately to Newsweek’s request for more information. Chatham County Jail’s roster shows Garden City Police detained a 27-year-old woman called Lillian Shantel Tarver at around 15:00 on Monday for several alleged driving offenses. She is also held on charges of fleeing a police officer for a felony offense, armed robbery, aggravated assault, battery, possession of a firearm during an attempt to commit certain felonies, and reckless conduct.     Read More

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