Boners

Boner of the Day for July 6th, 2020

ROUND ONE

Boner Candidate #1: KIM DID IT

ANTELOPE ISLAND, Utah — Officials asked for the public’s help Saturday identifying suspects in a vandalism that occurred at Antelope Island State Park. Antelope Island State Park said on its Facebook page Saturday that there’s been an uptick in vandalism of the area. Images of the vandalism were shared with Fox 13, showing both buildings and natural formations that were damaged

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Boner Candidate #2: I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY. GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU

Singer-songwriter Ryan Adams — who in February of last year was accused of sexual misconduct by seven women, including his ex-wife, actor-singer Mandy Moore — has written a statement apologizing for the ways in which he “mistreated” women in the past. In a long statement in England’s Daily Mail, he wrote that he is now sober and said, “There are no words to express how bad I feel about the ways I’ve mistreated people throughout my life and career. All I can say is that I’m sorry. It’s that simple. This period of isolation and reflection made me realize that I needed to make significant changes in my life.”Adams was the subject of a New York Times investigation that involved interviews with multiple women who claimed emotional abuse or severe manipulation by Adams, including a woman who showed reporters sexually explicit texts she said she exchanged with Adams when she was underage, as well as production clients who alleged they were pressured to indulge in sexual as well as professional relationships.

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Boner Candidate #3: SHE’S CLEARLY ITALIAN

A congressional candidate is receiving widespread ridicule for sharing an outlandish conspiracy theory about Beyoncé’s heritage in a bizarre Twitter rant on Saturday. KW Miller, who is running to represent Florida’s 18th Congressional District in November, claimed the 24-time Grammy winner is ‘not even African American.’ ‘She is faking this for exposure. Her real name is Ann Marie Lastrassi. She is Italian,’ he tweeted. ‘This is all part of the Soros Deep State agenda for the Black Lives Matter movement.’  At the end of the same tweet, he fired: ‘BEYONCE YOU ARE ON NOTICE!” In addition to his baseless allegation, Miller went on to contend that the mother-of-three, who is married to rapper Jay-Z, created a ‘secret coded message to the globalists’ in her hit song Formation. ‘The song clearly admitted that she was demonic and that she worshiped in the Satanist churches located in Alabama and Louisiana,’ he wrote in a separate tweet.

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 ROUND TWO

Boner Candidate #1: BECAUSE USING YOUR WORDS IS TOO HARD

OGDEN, Utah (ABC4 News) – The Ogden Police Department is asking for the community’s help after two individuals have been arrested for burning American flags on properties in Ogden. The two who have been arrested are 18-year-old Hunter Hinds and 19-year-old Bryan Nava. Two people have been arrested but, neighbors told me there are possibly four suspects that were involved.
Darrel Thompson says he is thankful the flag didn’t stay lit and possible burn his house down. I also went to another neighbor who says part of their front porch was scorched. Thompson says this is unusual for this quiet neighborhood. He’s not the only one who reported vandalism, leaders from the Ogden Police Department said they received eight reports related to property damage that were all in the same area, west of Wall Ave, in between 2nd and 7th St. “Don’t give up your patriotism…don’t give up your desire to celebrate July 4th,” said Thompson. Ogden Police Department leaders say this is an ongoing investigation. Police are asking for residents in the area to share surveillance video, if you have any. You can call 801-629-8228.

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Boner Candidate #2: I’M TIRED OF THE NARRATIVE!

Authorities in California are looking for a couple who defaced a Black Lives Matter street mural on Sunday just hours after community members finished painting it. The Martinez Police Department announced they were looking for an unidentified white male and female after they ruined a city-sanctioned Black Lives Matter mural with black paint. The incident began when the couple, appearing to wear Make American Great Again apparel, arrived to the mural in front of the city courthouse in downtown Martinez on July 4. Footage shows the woman pouring a can of black paint over part of the mural and using a paint roller to cover the bright yellow letters. When one witness asks the woman ‘what’s wrong with you,’ her male companion replies ‘we’re sick of the narrative, that’s what is wrong.’   ‘The narrative of police brutality, the narrative of oppression, the narrative of racism, it’s a lie,’ the man adds.  The man, who was recording the incident, then points to the Black Lives Matter sign and calls it ‘racism.’ An argument is sparked between the man and onlookers while the woman continues to damage the mural. ‘There is no oppression. There is no racism,’ the man says. ‘It’s a leftist lie…from the media.’

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Boner Candidate #3: I GUESS QUARANTINE WAS IMPOSSIBLE TOO

Even in the middle of a pandemic, being a celebrity has its privileges. According to Variety, Tom Cruise is being allowed to bypass a 14-day travel quarantine in the UK so that he can resume production on Mission: Impossible 7. UK culture secretary Oliver Dowden said Cruise would be among a small group of cast and crew members exempt from quarantine “as part of of our continued commitment to getting cameras rolling safely again.” The exemption applies only to cast and crew members coming to England who are employed on film and television productions that qualify as British, Variety reports. Each production’s studio will be responsible for creating their own protected “bubble” environments and following COVID-19 guidance outlined by the the British Film Commission. Cast and crew members are expected to remain in the “bubble” for two weeks and will be required to carry documentation from both the studio and the UK’s Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport proving they are working on an active project.

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