Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for June 13th, 2019

Round 1

Candidate #1: OLD PEOPLE ARE GULLIBLE….THEY”LL GIVE US MONEY.

Gov. Gary Herbert’s office on Wednesday criticized the “unethical conduct” of a political action committee created by his former campaign manager, Joe Demma, after a Salt Lake Tribune report on critics calling the group a scam. Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox, who is in charge of enforcing the state’s election laws, went even further. He said actions by the Americans for an Informed Electorate PAC may be illegal, adding that he asked law enforcement officials 18 months ago to investigate it — a probe he said is ongoing. A well-placed source said the FBI is the agency investigating the group. Cox would not confirm that and FBI spokeswoman Sandra Barker said she cannot confirm nor deny the existence of an investigation. Demma ran Herbert’s 2010 gubernatorial campaign and served as his chief of staff when Herbert was lieutenant governor. Demma is still on the state payroll as vice president of the Mountainland Technical College. Demma’s PAC raised more money in recent years than any other in the state. But it has not donated any money to candidates or causes, as most PACs do. Instead, the millions it has raised went to pay its few officials, and to perform what it acknowledges are not scientific surveys that it says it shares with elected officials.

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Candidate #2: SEX STARVED MALES

On Wednesday, the members of the House of Representatives met to discuss a federal spending bill for the Department of Health and Human Services. It might have been an ordinary hearing, except Representative Norma Torres, during her time on the floor, called her Republican colleagues intent on restricting abortion access “sex-starved males.” Thank you, C-SPAN legend. Torres’s exact words were: “Mr. Speaker, it is tiring to hear from so many sex-starved males on this floor talk about a woman’s right to choose.” Just as she finishes her sentence, the room starts booing in response—but clearly some people found it amusing; one woman seated behind Torres looks like she’s trying not to smirk.

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Candidate #3: THE FIX IS SIMPLE…JUST SELL HIGHER ALCOHOL BEER.

There may be a slight gap between 3.2 beer being removed from grocery and convenience store shelves and heavier brews being moved in. Speaking on the “Utah Booze News” podcast, Utah Dept. of Alcoholic Beverage Control Executive Director Sal Petilos said the bill lawmakers passed doesn’t allow stores to stock up on heavier brews. “There’s a bit of a technical snag in terms of logistics. The legislature anticipates a flip of the switch. There may be a period of time that some grocery and convenience stores may not have 5.0 beer because technically speaking, they can’t store it nor can they sell it until November 1. There’s that issue out there,” he said. Asked if that means some beer brands won’t be available for consumers immediately once the law changes, Petilos told FOX 13: “That’s what industry tells us.” Kate Bradshaw, who led the Utah Alcohol Coalition, which led the lobbying effort to get heavier beers, said it was trying to find a fix.

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Round 2

Candidate #1: A MAN HAS TO ADVERTISE.

Am ex-con in Florida was wearing a shirt emblazoned with the word “COKE” while selling crack cocaine to an undercover agent last week, an arrest affidavit said. Terry Leon Simmons, 53, was arrested Friday afternoon in his Fort Pierce home – about a 2-hour drive north of Miami – on a charge of felony cocaine sales. He was slapped with another felony charge after officers found marijuana “in plain view” and “what appeared to be” ecstasy next to his bed, the affidavit said. Court records cited by the website indicate that Simmons has previous drug-related convictions going back to the early 1990s. He was released in February after spending a three-year jail sentence for cocaine possession and tampering with evidence.

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Candidate #2: HE SHOULD PROBABLY JUST GO AWAY

A former Utah County commissioner who was investigated for sexual harassment while in office is now suing his fellow commissioners for telling the public about those allegations — including that he made suggestive comments to a female employee and rubbed her leg above the knee. Greg Graves maintains those situations never happened. In his lawsuit filed Tuesday, Graves argues that the accusations were fabricated by the woman who wanted a financial settlement and spread by two of his colleagues who wanted him removed from office. He is suing for defamation. When reached for a response Wednesday evening, Graves said: “All questions need to go to my attorney.” His lawyer, Ryan Schriever, said: “We don’t have any comment. It’s filed, and we hope that we can get a resolution. The injury to [my client’s] reputation was real.” The original complaint filed by the female employee in October 2017 said Graves touched her inappropriately and that he told her that he was unhappy in his marriage; they were riding in a cart together during an employee golf outing, she said, and he talked about sex.

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Candidate #3: THE CRIME IS, HE WAS CHARGED WITH A CRIME

When Scott Daniel Warren was arrested last year after allegedly providing food, water, beds and clean clothes to undocumented immigrants near Arizona’s Sonoran Desert, the question was whether he had broken the law or upheld it. “No Más Muertes,” an advocacy group that wants “no more deaths” of people crossing the desert regions linking Mexico and the southwestern United States, sees Warren – one of its most visible members – as an apostle of humanitarianism. His advocates say the geographer, who has taught courses at Arizona State University, was heeding both religious rules and international covenants that require sanctuary for the persecuted and the dispossessed. The government, however, sees Warren, 36, as a felon. Arrested by Border Patrol agents in January 2018 at a property offering aid for immigrants in Ajo, Arizona, he was accused of helping border-crossers evade authorities, which is prohibited under federal law. The activist faced up to 20 years in prison on charges of harboring and conspiring to transport undocumented immigrants. At his trial, which began last month, a federal jury in Tucson was presented with two different versions of the accused. Had he acted on “basic human kindness,” providing only the necessities enabling migrants to survive, as his lawyer contended? Or had he aided and abetted those making a mockery of the nation’s immigration laws? Of the migrants he assisted, “They were not injured,” a federal prosecutor said, according to the Associated Press. “They were not sick. They were not resting and recuperating.” Deciding who Warren is and what he did proved a task too tortuous for jurors, who said on Tuesday they remained deadlocked in their deliberations and could not reach a unanimous verdict.

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