ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: WE DECIDED TO BURY HIM ANYWAY
A funeral home in Michigan made the awkward mistake of placing the wrong body in the wrong casket. The family continued on despite the obvious problem, even burying the body like an episode from the Twilight Zone.
Boner Candidate #2: OUR SANDWICHES ARE NOT THE ONLY THINGS THAT WERE FRESH.
Subway founder Fred DeLuca wasn’t just a hard working businessman, but an absolute bachelor as well. He flirt with the wives of his store owners and even distributed a calendar with partially naked Subway executives, including himself.
Boner Candidate #3: I NEEDED TO REMIND MYSELF; GENOCIDE IS BAD
After insensitive comments comparing mask mandates to the Holocaust, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene has ironically dug her own social grave. She recently visited the Holocaust museum before making a public apology.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: MURDER ON THE INSTALLMENT PLAN
A women killed her husband using a hitman. The issue however, is that hitmen aren’t cheap and so the woman agreed to pay the killer $4,000 on a payment plan.
Boner Candidate #2: IF YOU DON’T MAKE THIS MAN MAYOR OF NEW YORK SOMETHING IS WRONG.
If you’re falling for Rep. Fernando Mateo and you too want to run for mayor, then it’s worth hearing about his hairspray and bedtime snacks. Because hairspray of course, is the most important part about running for any public office.
Boner Candidate #3: SPICY THAI CICADA PIE
With the incredible prevalence of cicadas, a pizza place in Ohio shared a picture on Facebook of their latest creation. A spicy Thai cicada pie. The restaurant doesn’t plan to sell the pizza, and stated: “We’re not even sure if we legally can sell you locally foraged Cicadas.”
