Round One
Boner Candidate #1: MAYBE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?
Boner Candidate #2: 4 YEARS IS NOT ENOUGH
Boner Candidate #3: NO IT’S NOT OKAY!
In the pantheon of things that should worry you about your baby, facial hair is probably not that high up. But one parent has admitted to the internet that her baby’s unibrow bothers her so much, she’s been secretly tweezing it off. And when she asked whether this makes her an asshole, answers were somewhat surprisingly divided. The mom posted on Reddit’s /r/AmItheAsshole sub about her newfound penchant for tweezing off her precious angel’s brow hairs. “I gave birth 15 months ago to a beautiful baby girl,” she wrote. “She’s always been hairy. It’s nice in a way because she was born with hair on her head and she has really full eyelashes. But she also developed a unibrow.” Wow. That’s a lot of thought to put into your baby’s appearance. Moving on: “For aesthetic reasons, I decided to pluck it while she slept. If she woke up I would stop. I managed to get it all off in a couple days. I didn’t really think of this as being a bad thing. But a fellow mom friend of mine […] mentioned my daughter’s eyebrows. I was honest and said I plucked the middle while she slept. She had this horrified look and said she was surprised that I did that.” First, let’s go through the “YTA” or “you’re the asshole” contingent. User AquaticDramatic puts it succinctly: “Wtf is wrong with someone who cares about their baby’s EYEBROWS?! Way to cement those self esteem issues nice and early, 10/10 parenting.”
Round Two
Boner Candidate #1: THAT’S MY ATTACK SQUIRREL!
An “attack squirrel” housed in an Alabama apartment and fed methamphetamine by its owner to make sure it stayed aggressive was rescued Monday, officials said. The squirrel was removed from the alleged drug den by investigators following a bust at an apartment in Athens, according to authorities. A squirrel was allegedly fed meth by a man in Alabama so it would stay aggressive, officials said. (Limestone County Sheriff’s Office) One man, identified as Ronnie Reynolds, 37, was arrested at the scene, but the Limestone County Sheriff’s Office is still looking for another suspect — the alleged “caretaker” of the squirrel — identified as Mickey Paulk, 35. Mickey Paulk, 35, is wanted for multiple charges including possession of a controlled substance. (Limestone County Sheriff’s Office) Officials found the squirrel, and released it into the wild, per a recommendation from Alabama’s Department of Conservation. “There was no safe way to test the squirrel for meth,” the sheriff’s office said.
Boner Candidate #2: LEAVE NATURE ALONE
Boner Candidate #3: THIS IS A SET UP!
Lawyers for the right-wing conspiracy theorist accidentally sent child porn to the plaintiffs. In a court filing Monday, lawyers representing Sandy Hook parents in a suit against Infowars’ Alex Jones say the conspiracy theorist’s defense team sent them “numerous images of illegal child pornography,” apparently by mistake. The images were buried in a large volume of email documents the court ordered Jones’ team to turn over in late May ― an order they followed through on by turning over the files in a non-searchable format. A third party hired by the Sandy Hook lawyers to sort and organize the documents into a digitally searchable database discovered an image during that process. “It is worth noting that if the Jones Defendants had engaged in even minimal due diligence and actually reviewed the materials before production, they would have found the images themselves,” the motion filed Monday reads. “Because the Jones Defendants did not do that, they transmitted images to the plaintiffs that if they were knowingly possessed is a serious federal crime.” “I’m not into kids like your Democratic party, you cocksuckers,” he shouted at one point. “I don’t like having sex with children, I would never have sex with children.” “I am so sick of their filth and living off the dead kids of Sandy Hook,” he said.
