Boner of the Day

Boner of the Day for June 21st, 2019

Round One

Boner Candidate #1: REALLY? HERE WE GO AGAIN

Roy S. Moore, the polarizing Alabama Republican who lost a Senate campaign in 2017 after being accused of sexual misconduct, said on Thursday that he would seek a rematch in next year’s election. His decision was an unsurprising act of defiance against many of his party’s national leaders, including President Trump, who recently publicly warned him away from another Senate bid. Republican officials fear that if Mr. Moore were to win the party’s nomination in March, he would jeopardize their prospects of defeating the Democratic incumbent, Senator Doug Jones, and of recapturing a seat they had long controlled with ease. “The people of Alabama are not only angry, but they’re going to act on that anger,” Mr. Moore, a former chief justice of the State Supreme Court who built a reputation as a champion of the evangelical right, said in Montgomery, the Alabama capital.

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Boner Candidate #2: I KNOW WHERE YOU CAN GET A ROLEX CHEAP

Prosecutors were forced to drop criminal charges against a South Florida woman accused of stealing five Rolex watches — four of which were found inside her vagina during a jail strip search.
Delajurea Brookens, 29, beat the grand-theft charge earlier this month when the victim, an Orlando businessman named Ramon Diaz, stopped cooperating with prosecutors.
So what happens to the watches? Diaz only had proof of ownership of one Rolex, according to the Miami-Dade State Attorney’s Office. The rest will remain in the property room at the Miami Springs police department until someone files a motion with the court to claim them.

Boner Candidate #3: WE WILL NOT ALLOW THE BIKINI DOCTOR

A Myanmar doctor who wanted to become a model has had her medical license revoked for sharing “immoral” bikini photos. After several years of treating patients, Nang Mwe San began to share photos of her in a two-piece to social media and began participating in professional photo shoots. But in January this year, the now-29-year-old was issued a warning by the Myanmar Medical Council ordering her to stop posting such “racy” images and to delete existing ones from her page. Having ignored the warning, Mwe San had her medical license rescinded. “Here there is so much sexism,” she said in an interview with the New York Times. “They don’t want women to have higher positions. And they judge women on what we wear. They don’t even want us to wear trousers.” Mwe San said she was called by the council earlier this year and was ordered to stop dressing in a way that went against Myanmar traditional culture.

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Round Two

Boner Candidate #1: JOKING. JOKING.

A Greensburg man who claimed to be joking when he pulled a gun on a store clerk Friday is behind bars on a robbery charge. Police identified a male suspect who tried to rob the Dollar General store on South Main Street as Brandon Joseph Giron, 19, by watching surveillance video, according to an affidavit. The video showed Giron pull a gun from his waistband and point it at a clerk. The clerk told investigators that Giron said “Tell me about that money, what about that money?” The clerk didn’t respond and police said Giron started to laugh, saying he was “just joking” while putting the weapon back in his pants. Giron later told police “it was just a joke.” Officers found the weapon used in the incident and arrested Giron. He did not have an attorney listed in online court records.

Boner Candidate #2: 20 THOUSAND GOOD CHRISTIANS

More than 20,000 Christians have signed a petition calling for the cancellation of Good Omens, the television series adapted from Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s 1990 fantasy novel – unfortunately addressing their petition to Netflix when the series is made by Amazon Prime. The six-part series was released last month, starring David Tennant as the demon Crowley and Michael Sheen as the angel Aziraphale, who collaborate to prevent the coming of the antichrist and an imminent apocalypse. Pratchett’s last request to Gaiman before he died was that he adapt the novel they wrote together; Gaiman wrote the screenplay and worked as showrunner on the BBC/Amazon co-production, which the Radio Times called “a devilishly funny love letter to the book”.

Boner Candidate #3: A CASH BAR? RIDICULOUS.

A bride with a burned behind tried to make the best out of the situation but just ended up being the butt of the joke. A Reddit user posted the story to the site’s bridezilla forums, although this woman isn’t the typical bridezilla. She just seemingly didn’t realize that combining a burned butt and way too much alcohol on her wedding day was a terrible idea. Reddit user MamaFreethinker posted the story, describing how the bride and groom set up a destination wedding at “a resort on the coast.” The trouble actually began before the wedding even started, however. MamaFreethinker posted, “At the bachelorette party the previous weekend, the bride-to-be became so drunk that she leaned on a hot BBQ grill in nothing but swimsuit bottoms which melted and continued to burn her after she realized her mistake. So she had a 3rd degree burn on her ass.” Also known as “full thickness” burns, this is one of the most serious types of these injuries.

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