ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: I CONDEMN RACISM BUT WHITE FOLKS SHOULDN’T MARRY BLACK FOLKS.
On Tuesday, Sen. Mike Braun said that he didn’t think “interracial” marriage should be legal nationwide and that it’s legality should be left for each state to decide. He later said that he condemns racism “in any form”.
Boner Candidate #2: I’M SURE THEY WERE COMPETENT BUT, THEY WERE WOMEN YOU KNOW.
Salt Lake County Councilman Dave Alvord recently expressed his his “concern” on Facebook that the first all-female broadcasting team was “matriarchal domination”.
Boner Candidate #3: THAT’S WHAT UKRAINE GETS FOR ‘POKING THE BEAR.’
During an appearance on a show called ‘Voice of Rural America Network’, Marjorie Taylor Greene blamed Ukraine for being invaded, saying, “You see Ukraine kept just poking the bear and poking the bear, which is Russia”.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: THIS WAS NO ACCIDENT. IT WAS DELIBERATE.
Construction at the Meta/Facebook data center has been shut down after a noose was found at the site on Friday. Mortenson Construction and Meta are offering $100,000 for any information.
Boner Candidate #2: IN WHAT WAY IS THIS EVEN CLOSE TO STALKING YOU NUMBSKULL?
Retired Utah lawmaker Mike Noel’s attempt to secure a stalking injunction against a Kanab resident has been invalidated. Noel believed that a conflict with resident Will James at a public hearing in March 2020 was threatening, although video proves otherwise.
Boner Candidate #3: TED CRUZ ASKS THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION OF THE CONFIRMATION HEARING THUS FAR.
During Ketanji Brown Jackson’s confirmation hearing, Ted Cruz brought out a book called “Anti-Racist Baby” and asked Jackson if she thought babies are racist.
