ROUND ONE
Boner Candidate #1: I’M THE BEST DRUNK DRIVER EVER.
A woman who formally called herself ‘the best drunk driver ever,’ hit and killed two state troopers in a drunk driving incident.
Boner Candidate #2: IT’S GOOD TO KNOW THAT OUR LEGISLATORS HAVE A FIRM KNOWLEDGE OF AMERICA.
Sen. Marsha Blackburn who formally forgot that the constitution could be amended, once again parroted a fake quote from the constitution by claiming that: ‘the constitution grants the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness – not abortions.’
Boner Candidate #3: WE DON’T WANT NO PEOPLE READIN’ IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD
A local mailbox-sized neighborhood book exchange box was blown up and destroyed.
ROUND TWO
Boner Candidate #1: I HAD SOME EMERGENCY TESTING THAT WAS AN EMERGENCY RIGHT THEN.
Alex Jones, who’s famous for spreading incredibly damaging lies, failed to show up to a hearing regarding his harmful lies and attempted downplays of the Sandy Hook shooting by calling it a hoax. He claimed that he had a medical emergency.
Boner Candidate #2: IN FLINT WE SETTLE DISPUTES ABOUT EDUCATING THE KIDS WITH OUR FISTS.
School Board President Danielle Green of Flint Michigan was removed from her role after her alleged assault of another member on the school board.
Boner Candidate #3: THE BEST AND THE BRIGHTEST IN THE OHIO GOVERNMENT.
Rep. Sarah Fowler who’s the primary sponsor of Ohio House Bill 327, which would ban teaching “divisive concepts” has now wrongfully misunderstood the Holocaust by saying that ‘hundreds of people were killed for having a different skin color,’ as opposed to the 6 million Jews who were killed for reasons that went much deeper and darker then skin color.
